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So, this is 2020? How are you going? I returned from overseas to a country literally burning and choked in smoke; a government that is refusing to accept that climate change is real; and a news organisation making up the narrative to suit themselves (arsonists are everywhere, apparently).

Bet you didn’t expect me to get so political before midday on a Monday!

Today is my first day back at work after three weeks of holidays in New York with my family. We spent the time basically relocating our Melbourne life to New York: finding a favourite café that served decent coffee, drinking great quantities of said coffee, wandering the streets, playing with (other people’s) dogs, warming up in bookstores and catching up with friends. It was the perfect way to farewell 2019 and welcome 2020.

As I have mentioned a million times before, I don’t do resolutions. You may not know this, but I live with diabetes, and that in itself gives me enough reasons to not reach goals and targets. I don’t need to add another list of things of which to fall short.

For the last three years, I’ve chosen a word that I’ve hoped would oversee and direct my way of thinking and acting for the year. As it turns out, that was a load of rubbish. Because each time, as I searched for the word that I wanted to guide me, the one I settled on went against the very grain of who I am.

The words were pause, focus and reset – and behind them was the idea that I would respond in ways that were really out of character; words that would silence or calm my natural responses.

But that’s not me. I walk towards things (usually at pace), I’m impulsive, I’m reactive. Sure, these may not necessarily be the best traits for a mindful, calm existence, and they can be exhausting, but welcome to my life: Hi, I’m Renza.

This year, I’m ditching the word idea, and using a phrase that better suits me, and that phrase is Stand Up.

We are living in a world that does not need people to be silent. Manners are all very important, but it is very possible to have manners and be polite, but still challenge things that we see as not right. We don’t need to be told how to think, how to feel, how to respond to something that upsets us. We don’t need to tone police ourselves – or others. We don’t need to accept what we are given.

And in the diabetes space, we don’t need people to be meek and mild. We need people who are disrupters and who speak their minds and who call out the bullshit. We definitely need to make sure that the voice of PWD is the loudest in the room, and that anyone who tries, even for a second on any platform, to tell us to pipe down is called out for it.

We do not need people to go quietly, and I am somewhat horrified that I did just that at the end of last year when I was feeling intimidated and vulnerable online. If I’m honest, I don’t recognise the person who switched her Twitter to private and wrote this thread to explain it to the people who were asking why.

Being angry is okay because there is a lot to get angry about in diabetes care. Not standing up means that we accept the situation for how it is. We can do it in a way that is nice and friendly, but sometimes it takes more than that. And that is okay.

I have never cared about being popular in the DOC or being considered one of the cool kids. I have never worried about follower numbers. I searched for this community because I needed support and I needed to feel part of something amongst people who were just life me. Other people with diabetes.

When I re-read my twitter thread from before Xmas, my heart broke NOT at what had happened; but at how I felt that the only way for me to stop feeling so unsafe was to turn away from the community – MY community. It was this tweet that set my tears running again:

I thought that if I had wandered into the DOC for the first time instead of the welcoming place it was, I saw PWD being challenged, I would have run away. THAT was what broke my heart – the very idea that I would not have discovered people like Kerri, Georgie, Cherise, Melissa, Mike, Dana, Grumps, David, Manny, Jeff, Mel, Frank, Alanna, Kelly, Ashleigh, Scott, Annie, Alecia, Bastian, Daniela and so, so many others. I don’t know how I would have navigated the murky waters of life with diabetes without those people: MY people for whom diabetes actually invades our DNA and the DNA of our loved ones. People there for the right reasons – not for the accolades, not for increasing follower counts. They are community-minded, open to opposing ideas and thoughts, and don’t consider themselves superheroes.

If I had have gone quietly, I would never have learnt from them; never had the support of people who understand; never had people like that at my back when I do stand up.

So, I don’t go quietly ever again. I stand up as I always have. I accept that doing that will send me into periods of advocacy burnout; I’ll deal with that when it happens, surrounded my friends and peers who get it.

So yes, this is 2020. I’m back. It’s really nice to see you here.

Each year, as we stop, look back and take stock, the reason that we are feeling so tired becomes apparent. This year is no different for me; my work travel calendar was the most intense it has ever been, with nine long haul trips, some for only a day or two. Combined with regular domestic travel, I can truly say that I have seen the inside of airports far too much. I stopped adding up the trips I did once I passed 100 walks down airbridges to board planes because it was making me weepy.

But on top of the usual exhaustion this year, there seems to be an extra element of fatigue that goes beyond what I’ve experienced before.

But first, let’s talk highlights, because there have been many of them.

The year kicked off with Spare A Rose and whoa, did we start the year with a bang! With the true philosophy of SaR at the forefront (an initiative for the community, by the community), we not only reached our rather audacious target, we smashed it! A cheeky and opportunistic little extra push saw a smiling Grumpy Pumper unleashed to the whole world for just a moment The DOC didn’t break, but the final tally of for the campaign meant that 939 kids in under-resourced countries would be receiving insulin for a year. Amazing!

My favourite issue, #LanguageMatters, only went from strength to strength, and the publication of this piece in BMJ, followed by this podcast, was a brilliant way  to get it outside of the diabetes echo chamber. The importance of language featured on the programs of major conferences such as ADA and #IDF2019 with stellar panels speaking about why it really does matter.

My diabetes turned 21 and tied up in all the emotion of that, my pancreas’ performance review didn’t go all that well. Maybe next year? (Unlikely.)

Possibly the most exciting, heart-warming, rewarding and humbling thing I did this year was co-facilitate a workshop in Manila with some of the most dynamic, compassionate and enthusiastic young diabetes advocates I have ever met. I’m thrilled have had a chance to catch up with a couple of the people from this meeting and can see the wonderful work they are doing in more than trying circumstances.

Peer support was never far away. One of my favourite digital campaigns came from Diabetes Australia (remember – I work there so consider my bias) with our The Lowdown campaign. What a brilliant way to showcase how a digital campaign can reach and connect people from all over the world, and encourage them to safely speak about a topic that doesn’t seem to get anywhere enough coverage. I spoke about the campaign’s success in a number of places this year.

My own personal peer support experiences happened all around the globe at conferences, advisory board meetings and other opportunities to see friends and colleagues with diabetes. These moments ground me and help me make sense of what I am seeing and hearing, and are critical for keeping me balanced.

A special shout out to these two peers and dear, dear friends: Bastian and Grumps. We saw each other an inordinate number of times this year, literally all over the globe, travelling on planes, trains and automobiles for our #DiabetesOnTour. I do think we should launch a calendar of the 2020 pics. (Admittedly, we may be the only ones remotely interested in that idea.) When I talk about my diabetes tribe, it’s friends like these two. We’ve celebrated through some pretty amazing things this year, stood up to elevate the lived experience over and over, and also counselled each other through the tough bits. We’ve held post-mortems of long days, sitting in hotel foyers and bars, trying to make sense of what has happened, working out how to always improve, and plotting and planning more and more and more. I am so grateful to them for being the scaffolding holding me up when I’m away from home and feeling overwhelmed.

So, now the reason for that elevated exhaustion…

When I first wrote about advocacy burnout back in January this year, I had no idea at the time that it would set the scene for a difficult and sometimes troubling theme for the year. I get tired and overcome at times throughout the year, but 2019 was different and I’m not really sure why.

There were moments this year where I did honestly wonder how much more energy I have to stand up over and over again to a lot of what I was seeing. I don’t like using war and battle analogies in diabetes, but I did feel that I was fighting a lot of the time. Diabetes advocacy is a tough gig to begin with. Adding burnout on top of it makes it seem shattering.

Being attacked by HCPs for daring to voice my thoughts and challenge their behaviour, or getting it from certain, more confrontational parts of the diabetes community, or having industry reps tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about for daring to suggest that maybe their lame attempts to simulate diabetes in gameshow-style gimmicks at conferences could be better directed at actually engaging and listening to PWD all added up.

Or perhaps it was the repeated examples of ‘diabetes for laughs’…and realising that we are a long way away from HCPs truly being allies in our daily encounters with stigma.

Or perhaps it was feeling that we needed to justify just how important the #LanguageMatters movement, and the decade of work we’ve done really is. I can’t even begin to tell you how upsetting this little incident was.

It added up and several times I’ve felt overcome. I feel like that today. Which is disappointing because on measure, the highlights, the positives and the amazing community should overshadow the negative encounters.

And that is why I’m taking a break from Diabetogenic. I need some time away from feeling as though I want to analyse what is going on and comment on it. I have a wonderful holiday planned with my gorgeous family where we will see friends and wander wintery streets, rugged up in pompom hats. And then, will warm up once back in Australia to finish recharging my seriously diminished batteries, ready for a new year that’s already shaping up to be so, so busy.

Until then, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, celebrating however you see fit. Thanks for popping by. And I’ll see you in 2020, clapping my hands and raring to go!

Busan is a very different city today than it was last week. There won’t be warmly dressed people hurrying into BEXCO with IDF2019 lanyards around their necks, eager to learn about diabetes. The word ‘diabetes’ won’t be uttered in almost every language of the globe. There won’t be Melbourne diabetes people loudly lamenting that Starbucks seems to be the coffee of choice in the city.

And you won’t see groups of people from all around the world standing together talking about what it’s like to live with diabetes. Most of us have gone home to our respective corners of the world, back to our families, back to our jobs, back to our real lives. But we will always have Busan and the incredible week of the IDF Congress.

By the time I arrived in Busan on Monday, the IDF was already a different beast. There was a new President and Board in place and some of the concerns that we’d had about the handover had melted away to nothing. This paved the way for what we really there for: a week of learning, networking, hearing different perspectives and truly uniting for diabetes.

We did that.

Was it a perfect conference? Of course not; they never are. There were hiccoughs and AV fun. There were controversies that played out online very differently to the way they actually happened in real life. There were sessions – critically important and brilliant sessions from all streams– with disappointing turnouts.

But these are all minor concerns that are the reality of every conference I have ever attended. There will be a time for post-mortems and evaluations and planning for improvements to future conferences. That time, however, is not now. Now is the time to celebrate.

IDF 2019 was a brilliant showcase of diabetes from around the globe. As expected, I only attended sessions from the Living with Diabetes stream and every single story was beautifully presented, and enhanced by the professional expertise of the HCPs who shared the stage. Amongst the incredible tales were moments of discomfort. It’s challenging to hear of the struggles many of my sisters and brothers with diabetes face in their day to day lives. I was forced to confront my privilege in a way that demands more than just acknowledging it there.

Also, difficult to accept is realising that sometimes the chasm between what people living with diabetes want and need and what HCPs and researchers think we want is gulf-like. For every HCP who ‘gets us’ and understands the value of lived experience in the healthcare space dialogue, there are many others who just don’t accept it, and, despairingly, don’t want to listen.

But more on that another day. Because for now, I’m focused on the people who did such a stellar job. So here are just some of them!

Two hours after touching down in Busan, and we kicked off the sixth Ascensia Social Media Summit with these gems.

Bright and early on day 1 of IDF2019, and the auditorium was packed to hear about diabetes and tech.

Always, ALWAYS, pleased to share the stage with Jane. Here we are just before the panel session.

Georgie excited to TALK ABOUT HYPOS! (We couldn’t understand why there was an explanation mark at the end of that sentence.)

Manny Hernandez gave the LWD Stream Award Lecture and there is no one more qualified to talk about the importance of diabetes community. How honoured I was to introduce him!

Celebrating Manny! (Photo courtesy of Boudewijn Bertsch)

From Melbourne to Busan. Neighbours at IDF2019. Jo was speaking about living with a rare type of diabetes and Andy was there for support (and photos from rooftops).

This woman! Sana, deputy lead of the LWD Stream and a bright, fierce force.

Anita eloquently explaining the challenges of living with diabetes-related complications in Indonesia.

Apoorva highlighting #LanguageMatters in her talk.

Some of the most dynamic young people I have ever met at the Young Leaders in Diabetes Training Summit.

Cherise can always be relied upon to ask thoughtful questions.

I’ve lost count of the cities we’ve done our #DiabetesOnTour this year, but these blokes have made all my travel so much better! Thanks Bastian and Grumps.

My favourite people at IDF2019? The two baristas running this uber-hipster coffee van.

We were all surprised to see the room packed full at 8.30am on the last day of the Congress. Sex sells. Or people just want to talk about it…

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever give was this: surround yourself with smart women. This is the LWD stream from IDF2019. I truly was surrounded by the smartest of women! Thank you Sana, Pei Yan and Elizabeth. 

The final session in the LWD and my highlight of the whole congress was my neighbour, Sol, talking about living with MODY 3. We could not have scripted a closing remark better than his: ‘Being at this conference has made me feel part of something and with people that understand.’ Welcome to the world of diabetes peer support, Sol. You are so, so very welcome here.

 

DISCLOSURE

I was the Chair of the Living with Diabetes Stream at the IDF Congress in Busan. My flights to Busan were covered by Ascensia Global (in order for me to get to Busan in time to co-facilitate their Social Media Summit). Flights home and accommodation were covered by the IDF.

 

Diabetes is a big deal. Most people living with diabetes can talk to that. But are there ways that we can reduce its impact in small ways that may just add up to something meaningful?

I was thinking about this when I saw Dana Lewis tweet an update from her most recent travels. She does this often – a photo and a comment as she has breezed through security, and I love that she does. Dispelling myths that travel with diabetes has to be a logistical nightmare involving routine strip searches and confiscation of devices is only a good thing, and hopefully will show that diabetes shouldn’t be a reason to delay a trip somewhere.

I’ve made it no big deal by never declaring that I have diabetes or that I am carrying diabetes kit, because why the hell draw attention to something unless necessary? If, for any reason, an alarm sounds, or I get asked about what I’m wearing or carrying, I have a clear, polite, stock standard response that usually does the trick.

That doesn’t mean that travel is never going to involve diabetes-related questions, but there are certainly ways that can minimise just how much of an issue it all is – or even stop it starting to begin with! Dozens and dozens of flights, more security check points than I care to think about … and the times there was an issue can be counted on one hand. No big deal.

The longer you live with diabetes, the better you are at finding shortcuts to make life easier. And reducing just how big a deal every day occurrences are is one way to do just that.

For example, being weighed at diabetes consultations (in fact, most consultations) is a no-no for me. I’ve made it clear to my endo why I don’t want to be, the circumstances under which I will agree to it, and why I find it difficult.

By the way – I know that being weighed is actually a big deal for a lot of people, me included. There’s a lot tied up in stepping on scales. I’m certainly not trying to minimise the minefield that is weight and being weighed. I am just trying to explain how I have been able to remove a lot of the angst just by doing something simple and being clear about my wishes.

Apart from a few times where I have had to repeat my position more than once, it’s never been a problem. It’s actually interesting how HCPs respond when you ask why they need to do something. ‘We need it for our records,’ is never a good enough reason for anything as far as I’m concerned – certainly not how much I weigh.

I get the position of privilege I am coming from here, by the way. I know that I am assertive enough to state what I want and expect, back it up if necessary, and having that confidence means I find it easier to navigate the often treacherous waters of diabetes and getting what I want. I am comfortable saying no and holding my ground, and I can’t remember the last time that wasn’t the case.

Diabetes is a huge deal, so working out ways to make things a little less big makes sense to me. I don’t have the time, inclination or energy to waste on things that really can be minimised. What is important and a big deal (or what isn’t) for me, will be different for others, but I do wonder if sometimes we make more out of things that we really don’t need to. Because, really, sometimes it’s good to shrug our shoulders and just think ‘no big deal’.

#TravelWithDiabetes – no big deal

Last Thursday morning, still wracked (and wrecked) with jet lag from having just returned from ten days in Europe, I boarded a flight to Manila. I would be co-facilitating a workshop for people with diabetes from across the Philippines about how advocacy, community and engagement. If I’m completely honest, I had no idea what was in store for me.

I knew that the PWD who would be attending had all been through a diabetes camps program in the Philippines. They were all young and very eager to step up as advocates. They were the reason the workshop was happening – they realised it was time to elevate the PWD voice in advocacy efforts in their country and they wanted some help in doing just that.

And so, the idea of a workshop was conceived, and the two facilitators were flown in from opposite sides of the planet to pull it all together. Enter me and the Grumpy Pumper (who for once had to travel further than me and was more jet lagged than me).

As the facilitators, we were there to talk about some examples of effective grass roots advocacy, talk about how engagement with other stakeholders is important, and highlight just why the voice of those living with diabetes is critical when it comes to lobbying. We had an vague outline of just how we thought the workshop would run, but we really wanted to ensure that the attendees could shape it the way they wanted, asking relevant questions and walking away with information that would help them.

Once the workshop started, it was very, very quickly apparent that we already had a thriving, dynamic and enthusiastic community in the room. They just weren’t seeing themselves that way. Over the course of the workshop, we saw the ten PWD realise that their own stories and voices are important and have real currency, and they are an unstoppable force when they came together. If ever I needed a reminder of the power of community, I’d have found it there in that room in Manila!

There will be a lot more about the weekend workshop in coming days. I’m still getting my head around it all and am not really sure what to write just yet. It may take me some time. What I do know is that the DOC now has some new voices. Their perspectives will be different to those we often hear about, and that diversity is always good in a community.

So, while I’m getting my words together, get to know these amazing young advocates. They’re on Facebook here; Twitter here; and Instagram here.

 

DISCLOSURES

Novo Nordisk covered costs for the advocacy workshop. Grumps and I were invited to facilitate the workshop as part of our involvement in the Novo Nordisk DEEP Program. Novo covered by flights, accommodation and ground transfers.

I’m back on deck at work today after a whirlwind ten days in Europe for meetings and a conference. I started in Amsterdam, then flew to Florence and finally flew to Copenhagen (via Pisa). Those ten days were busy, long and interesting. And, perhaps best of all, packed full of others from the diabetes community.

Spending time with others living with or around diabetes is restorative. I know I get jaded at times, and burnout – in all its forms – takes its toll. I’ve been feeling a little advocacy burnout lately, and that has the tendency to make me feel that I need to step away from diabetes for a bit. Plus, I wasn’t sure if I could be bothered with the inevitable onslaught that comes when these sorts of activities happen.

Instead of hiding away (which is what I half wanted to do), I got on a crowded plane to Europe to spend almost two weeks ‘doing’ diabetes advocacy in different forms. By the time I got to Nijmegen – an hour and a half out of Amsterdam – for HypoRESOLVE I was already feeling better. I felt the darkness of burnout slip away as I sat in meetings, speaking up and providing PWD input into the project. And there, alongside me, were others living with diabetes. We leaned into each other, stepped back so another could take their turn, and supported each other to feel comfortable and relaxed. We reminded each other that there was a reason we were there – because people with diabetes must have a seat at the table and that we must be heard. We lived, breathed and ate ‘Nothing about us without us’ throughout that meeting and by the time I boarded a hideously early flight to Florence for the next meeting, I was raring to go – further boosted by a diabetes in the wild encounter.

Two days of meeting in Florence with friends and peers from the diabetes community talking about our experiences in the diabetes community continued to see my mojo return. We spoke about difficult topics, how the community works best and the place everyone has in there. I was reminded that the community ebbs and flows, and that it is not static. Sometimes, that rut that I find myself in means I forget that all communities change and grow and develop. This is actually a positive, because as it shifts, more people come in, some people step away (for good or just a bit), we reconfigure how it fits us, and diabetes makes sense in new ways.

Some much needed downtime meant that I could reconnect with peers and feel myself being completely and utterly filled up in a way that only comes when surrounded by people who get diabetes and this weird diabetes space. We don’t all have diabetes – we represent different corners of the community, but we know diabetes in a way that is particular to those who live close to or with it. Our dinner after the second day of the meeting saw us finally able to breathe and take some time out of diabetes speak, and instead revert to a steady flow of laughs (shrieks, actually).

The next day, a friend from Italy just happened to be in Florence. We met up and I met her family, including her son who has diabetes. As we drank coffee just over the Ponte Vecchio, diabetes was spoken about a bit, but mostly, I got to learn about this young man who is clearly going to take on the world. He is smart, funny, delightful and inquisitive. His questions about Loop were intelligent – far more so than anything I would have thought to ask before I started using the tech! I hugged his mum as we said good bye, noting that she had just introduced someone else to our tribe.

By the time I arrived in Copenhagen (at 2.30am thanks to high winds in Florence, a bus ride to Pisa to take a diverted flight and some first-rate Italian disorganisation), I was exhausted, but at the same time felt more enthusiastic about the diabetes space than I had in some time. The next morning when I arrived at the conference venue, I was ready for a packed day of speakers, and to do my own presentation in the afternoon. I looked around and saw that there were a number of people living with and around diabetes that I knew, as well as a whole lot of new faces in there. The event was for HCPs, but as always, those of us with a truly personal connection to diabetes searched each other out. I met members of a support group known as ‘Diabetes Dads’ who meet regularly to speak about their kids with diabetes. They were there to support their friend who was speaking about his Looping son.

At lunch, I sat at a table with two PWD I knew. Two other people joined us and we quickly found out they too have type 1 diabetes. The conversation flowed – we understood each other, and our shorthand of diabetes speak easily fitted into our stories. We nodded as we heard stories that sounded familiar, even though they were being told by someone from another country who, until we sat down with our overflowing lunch plates, we had never met before. One of the women at the table had asked during an earlier session about how to wear the devices required for Loop, and I pulled out my RileyLink and showed it to her. She held it and weighed it in her hands. She’d wanted to know how to wear it with a fitted dress and I was able to show just how easily I could tuck away everything, even with the straight dress I was wearing for the day.

We may have all been there because of an interest or curiosity in DIY diabetes, but there is far more than that to draw us together. Just like as at the earlier meetings. As always, diabetes brings us together, but it’s far more that keeps us that way.

By the time I boarded the Dreamliner at Heathrow, all traces of burnout, and questions about how to manage in the sometimes tricky maze of diabetes community had completely subsided and were replaced with the reminder that when we find out tribe and surround ourselves with them, the burnout is replaced by feeling supported. And that’s how and why we show up. We do what we do, we show up, we speak up and we try to get stuff done. Ten days of that and I feel so much better. Which is good. Because as it turns out, those ten days are just the start …

DISCLOSURES

My flights to Amsterdam and accommodation while in the Netherlands was covered by HypoRESOLVE. I am on the Patient Advisory Committee for this project. My flight to Florence and two nights’ accommodation were covered by Lilly. I was in Florence for a DOCLab Advisory Meeting. My accommodation in, and flight home from Copenhagen was covered by the Danish Diabetes Academy. The Academy invited me to speak at their Diabetes DIY Movement conference.

I never thought I’d be one to think about back-up plans the way I do now. A few years ago, I remember being extraordinarily proud of myself as I wrote this post about my diabetes spares bag. And then a couple of years ago, I thought I was remarkable and quite brilliant at being able to easily manage when I got to work and realised my insulin pump hadn’t made it with me. I thought I had every contingency sorted and was fabulously good at diabetes. Give me a medal, please.

But in the last six months or so, I’ve come to see I’m not quite as prepared as I thought. I probably should point the finger right now at David ‘Bionic Wookiee’ Burren for this. He has highlighted holes in what I thought was a well-planned strategy a number of times (‘What’s your RileyLink Bluetooth address, Renza? You don’t know? You should.’), shaming me into wanting to do better, and really making me question all my life choices at the same time.

Back-up planning has been covered in both the Australian and European Social Media Summits hosted by Ascensia (disclosure at the end of this post) and it is interesting to see that the level of organisation and preparation varies so much in those of us living with diabetes.

Some people have thought out every possible contingency and have a plan for each one. Others have a fixed idea about what might go wrong and have made accommodations for those (that’s me). And others figure that it will all work out and the diabetes gods will sort it out.

I guess that personality type comes into how well-equipped we all may be. Some of us have a far more lackadaisical approach to planning for the apocalypse than others. But I do agree that it never hurts to be prepared or to consider things that may never have entered your mind before.

So here are some things that I have learnt in recent times that have completely changed the way that I think about my back-up planning.

It’s not just about kit (1). It’s all very well to have back up for what happens if (for example) your pump dies, but if that means returning to MDI until a replacement can be delivered, actually knowing how to do MDI is important. (Bless my endo who always asks if I need any long acting insulin ‘just in case’. She gave me some in-date long acting insulin and we had a discussion about what doses would look like after I proclaimed ‘It’s been 18 years since I gave myself a dose of long acting insulin. And it was Protophane. I have no idea what I am doing.’Lovely endo didn’t even roll her eyes at me when she walked me through exactly what I’d need to do to ensure my basal dose was right and the timing of the injections.)

It’s not just about kit (2). Look – my back up plan to my pump dying is another pump. I have a couple in the diabetes spares cupboard and always travel with one. But I don’t carry one around with me on a day-to-day basis. If I was a couple of hours from home and my pump died, I’d need to know what to do in the meantime. Again – it’s been 18 years since I was on MDI, but I always have a spare syringe and insulin with me so I can bolus until I get hooked up again to a working pump. My injection technique is scratchy – very scratchy, but in a pinch, I can manage it. There’s nothing wrong with asking for some re-education on something for which you may be a little out of practise.

Apparently my long-held belief that the DOC is my back-up plan is not actually adequate, because who is going to be able to provide me with insulin/pump consumables/spare pump/battery/RileyLink at 3am when things like to go wrong. (This is despite the success of the whole Pumpless in Vienna story.)

Equally, having a neighbour with type 1 diabetes two doors down is great when I need a Dexcom sensor at breakfast time. But it would probably stretch and test the neighbourly spirit if I woke her and her family in the middle of the night because I desperately wanted my loop to turn back to green and needed a sensor to do that.

I need a back-up of EVERYTHING I use if I want to be able to seamlessly manage any issue that comes up. With Loop that means a spare Loopable pump, a spare Riley Link, a spare G5 transmitter as well as all the necessary consumables. That takes expense as well as organisation.

CABLES!! They need to be part of my back up plan. I was at a conference last year somewhere (can’t remember where) and remembered as I was about to sleep that I’d forgotten the charger to my RileyLink. And just last month didn’t charge it overnight, meaning that my Loop turned red while I was at work and I was unable to do anything until I got home. Carrying the right charging equipment for all devices is important.

But! If I don’t have all these things, I need to ensure that I have a suitable, easy and fully ready-to-go option that will get me through until I can assemble all required to return to normal service.

When your back up plan becomes someone else’s back up plan, you need to do something about it. Case in point: at the DOCDAY event at ATTD, a friend leaned across the table and asked me if I had a spare battery for her Loopable pump. Of course I did, because there is always at least one in my spares bag. I handed it to her and made a mental note to pick up some more AAA batteries next time I passed a convenience store. Of course, I forgot all about it until Loop started complaining and that the battery was running low. Down to 4% battery and starting to feel a little nervous, I found a tiny little store in a backstreet in Brussels, crossing my fingers as I walked in that there would be a stash somewhere of what I needed. There was and I changed the battery just as my Loop app was showing 0% battery.

Beating ourselves up about our perceived or real lack of planning is unnecessary. As Sophie, one of the participants at #ATTDDSMS, said: ‘Life gets in the way.’ And it does. I challenge anyone not living with diabetes to do their normal life, live with diabetes and not only think about all the ‘just-in-case’ scenarios, but also prepare for each and every one of them.

But mostly, what I have come to see is that the point of a back-up plan is for it to be smooth and simple, with as little disruption to our day as possible. A plan that requires a cast of thousands, hours of travel, is insanely complex and relies on a number of external factors that are potentially beyond our control is not really going to make executing our plan all that easy, or give us peace of mind. And that’s a big part of what this is all about – feeling confident that we can manage whatever gets thrown at us.

That is, after all, the nature of this condition we live with.

DISLCOSURE

I attended the ATTD conference in Berlin. My (economy) airfare and part of my accommodation was covered by DOCLab (I attended an advisory group meeting for DOCLab), and other nights’ accommodation was covered by Roche Global (I attended the Roche Blogger MeetUp). While my travel and accommodation costs have been covered, my words remain all my own and I have not been asked by DOCLab or Roche Global to write about my attendance at their events or any other aspect of the conference. 

I was invited by Ascensia to co-chair the Diabetes Social Media Summit at ATTD (#ATTDDSMS). I did not receive any payment or in-kind support from them for accepting their invitation. I have co-written a piece for the blog, however this was not edited (apart from inevitable jet-lag-induced typos) and all words are those of mine and the piece’s co-author. You can read that piece here.  

Let me tell you what is worse than jet lag. Jet lag combined with food poisoning. These are the two extra circles of hell Dante forgot about.

While I am recovering and trying to get my body to accept coffee again, here are some photos from last week’s ATTD conference which was in equal measure amazing, overwhelming, frustrating, intimidating, brilliant and exhausting. I’ll explain more in coming posts, but for now, enjoy the images.

How to deal with jet lag when arriving in Europe #1: night time walk to major tourist site and be amazed.

How to deal with jet lag when arriving in Europe #2: find (half) decent coffee.

How to deal with jet lag when arriving in Europe #2.1: drink all the coffee.

And then drink some more.

#docday is always a highlight. Little dogs called Jamaica make it even better. (Jamaica on the left; Bastian on the right.)

Hello Solo… New pumps headed our way.

MySugr is ALWAYS on message.

Flavour of the conference #1: DIYAPS

Flavour of the conference #2: Time in Range

Vegetables. I craved them.

Because there were so, so, so many dense carbs!

Not that I was complaining. (Especially when mini doughnuts came in Diabetogenic colours!)

Oh – did I say that #SpareARose was mentioned? A lot?

Such as at #docday. (Grumps looking especially grumpy because I’d just announced #SpareAFrown.)

And then? Then there was the smile-a-thon, as we smashed through target after target.

Next week, I’ll go into detail about some of the different sessions, highlights and satellite events I attended. It was a frantic few days – so worthwhile in every possible way. And as always at these conferences, finding those who live diabetes – themselves or with a loved one – provided the necessary grounding throughout the conference. This year, that support was even more pronounced with every single person who was asked to step up to promote #SpareARose doing so in spades. This is all the community. That is what it is all about…

DISLCOSURE

I attended the ATTD conference in Berlin. My (economy) airfare and part of my accommodation was covered by DOCLab (I attended an advisory group meeting for DOCLab), and other nights’ accommodation was covered by Roche Global (I attended the Roche Blogger MeetUp). While my travel and accommodation costs have been covered, my words remain all my own and I have not been asked by DOCLab or Roche Global to write about my attendance at their events or any other aspect of the conference. 

So, I’m here:

And I’m spending my time doing this:

And sometimes this:

Oh, and eating these:

And lunching on things like this:

And cleaning plates like this:

I’m also doing a lot of this:

So you might expect there would be a lot of this:

But there’s not.

Because along for the trip is Loop, and as soon as we start our days, I hit the workout glucose target (which is set to 7.0mmol/l instead of 5.0mmol/l) and that has been pretty much taking care of things.

I have these in my bag (because: back up plan) and have needed a couple of them now and then.

But really, diabetes has been pretty boring. Which is great. Because Rome is anything but boring, and not having to deal with constant lows means that I get to just keep doing this sort of thing:

I am having a family holiday for a couple of weeks before heading to EASD in Berlin, so I may be a little quiet around here until I get to the conference. Our days are long and lazy and I am trying to not open my computer all that much. (I’m also really bad at being on holidays (the 1am teleconference last night is a good example of that!), but I really am going to try my best to take some real time away. 

I’m back from a very busy week in London and Copenhagen. I arrived back in the door at home exactly two minutes after Harry and Meghan got hitched, so I missed the whole happy occasion. If only we had some sort of magical way to see photos and videos and relive beautiful experiences like that. Oh well, never mind.

The main reason for my trip was for the kick-off meeting for Hypo-RESOLVE, a new four-year project focusing on better understanding hypoglycaemia. I’m there as part of the Patient Advisory Committee (PAC), which is made up of advocates from across Europe. Obviously, it is now legislated that an Australian also be included in any European diabetes advocate activities. I believe it’s called the Eurovision Law.

The project is made up of eight work packages, each led and staffed by leading European diabetes researchers and clinicians, and after seeing just who was going to be in the room, I suddenly was struck down by the worst case of Imposter Syndrome I have ever experienced. This didn’t get any better when I was told that the presentation I had been asked to give was not only for the PAC. No – it would be in front of all eighty project participants. I looked at the list of who I would be standing up and speaking to, and cursed the meme- and photo-filled presentation I had prepared, wondering if I could pretend to understand statistics and graphs, and add some to my slide deck to at least try to sound smart.

I decided to stick with what I knew (memes, cartoons, photos of weird hypo tales), and left the slide deck as it was, hoping against all hope that I would manage to keep myself nice, and sound as though I understood what I was speaking about.

I was asked to give a talk about the real life experiences of hypoglycaemia. Fortunately I have kept a pretty good record of the literal lows of my diabetes (which, incidentally, was the title of my talk). Thanks to the search function on Diabetogenic, I was able to easily pull together a number of stories about the lows I’ve had. This proved to be more useful than I realised because these days, lows are few and far between. Since I started Looping, I’ve not had the sort of low that has made me want to write about it and try to analyse what it all means in my diabetes life. In fact, I’ve not had any lows that have required anything more than a mouthful of juice or a couple of fruit pastilles to treat.

Reading back through my blog posts was actually really quite confronting, and I found myself getting emotional as I read details of terribly scary lows and how they had impacted on me – in the moment, and in the days following. As I read, I remembered the anxieties I felt about something happening while low that would seriously affect my family.

I’ve not asked them, but I wonder if the fact that I have so few hypos these days makes Aaron and the kidlet feel calmer about my diabetes. They still see me sucking on a juice box every now and then, but it is done without urgency, and without the look in my eyes that betrays the calm I used to try (and fail) to convey.

In my talk, I really tried to express just how significant hypos have been in my life with diabetes. I tried to explain that even once a low is ‘fixed’ there are often residual effects – effects far beyond just trying to work out what my glucose levels would do after playing the how-low-can-you-go-hypo-limbo.

I spoke about how the emotional fallout after a nasty hypo can be crippling, leading me to second guess every diabetes decision I made, wondering what I had done to cause the low in the first place – because that is the ongoing narrative of diabetes….we did something wrong to cause the hypo (or the complication, or the high, or the technology failure). And I really tried to explain how sometimes there are no answers, no matter how hard we look, or how desperate we are to find something to blame.

Of course I spoke about the language of lows and how the words we use impact on the way that hypos are considered. There is no doubt that ‘severe’ hypos are serious and need urgent attention and investigation, but so-called ‘mild’ hypos can be just as burdensome.

Obviously, everyone’s hypo stories will be different and I took great pains to clarify that I was speaking of my own experiences only. In the past, hypos have terrified, paralysed and alarmed me. I was afraid to sleep, I was afraid of lows when awake. I was scared I would have a particularly nasty low around my daughter and scare her. I am fortunate that my deliberate non-compliance has resulted in almost no lows, and feeling safer that I have ever felt before. My fear of hypoglycaemia is manageable these days, yet I don’t take for granted that it will always be like this. I still carry hypo food around with me – there is no point tempting the hypo gods by not being prepared!

I’ll be writing more about Hypo-RESOLVE in coming days. I’m so pleased to be involved in such an exciting and interesting project; I’m honoured to have been selected for the PAC. I’m beyond thrilled that PWD are included in the DNA of the project – right from the kick-off, not brought in at the last minute for comment when all the decisions have been made. And mostly, I am grateful that hypoglycaemia is being given the attention it deserves. I honesty hope that one day no one ever needs to feel the panic and fear that so many of us have come to know.

Kicking off the kick-off meeting (Click for source)

You can read all about Hypo-RESOLVE in the Innovative Medicines Initiative media release from last week announcing the launch of the project. My flights and accommodation to attend the Hypo-RESOLVE kick off meetings were funded from within the project. PAC members are volunteers on this project.

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