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Last year, at the IDF Congress, after a full and busy day of talks and sessions, there was a night of fun with a group of diabetes mates at a Korean BBQ restaurant. As we sat around the fiery pit, we were talking about some tricky things with diabetes and what helps and what doesn’t when we’re having one of those days.
Wielding a pair of tongs and other cooking implements as I pretended to have superior BBQ skills (I don’t), I explained to the table my cup of tea theory, how it is exactly what I need on one of those crappy diabetes days, and how my husband has absolutely mastered it.
‘I don’t need anyone to help, or try to fix the situation – especially as often the situation cannot be fixed. I want someone to tell me that diabetes sucks and then bring me a cup of tea.’ Two of the men sitting opposite me had a complete and utter Venus/Mars look on their faces. ‘A cup of tea? What’s that going to do?’
‘It’s not meant to ‘do’ anything,’ I said, flipping over some steak, and trying to not burn myself or others sitting near me. ‘Because he can’t ‘do’ anything about my diabetes being there or what is pissing me off. It just makes me feel less stressed out.’
‘Okay – well, if I ever see you on the side of the highway with a flat tyre on your car, I won’t stop and help. I’ll make sure to drive on past, find a café and come back with a cup of tea for you,’ one of them said with a cheeky smile.
‘That would be lovely,’ I told them. ‘By the time you got back, I’d have changed the tyre over and be ready to drive off, so tea would be great. Bring some wipes too to clean my hands. BUT, that’s not what I am talking about anyway, and you know that!’
This isn’t about not wanting help and thinking I can do everything by myself. Or that I need to be some sort of superhero, (because there are no superheroes in diabetes). It’s that most of the time there is no way to make things better or actually fix things.
I hate to be gendered, but in my personal experiences, it is men around me that quickly jump in to offer suggestions and offer solutions. I understand why. My dad struggles with the idea that I’m doing things tough and doesn’t like to not be able to help. He doesn’t really believe that sometimes the act of just being there provides me with bucketloads of support and reassurance. When I was first diagnosed, Aaron wanted to stop or fix the crappy moments because he didn’t want me to have to experience them. While I always appreciated people wanting to ease the distress, frustration and annoyance of diabetes, I also knew that their ideas and suggestions were something that I’d either already tried, or thought of and knew wouldn’t work.
And sometimes, the truth about diabetes is that there is just no fixing the situation. Instead, it’s a matter of riding it out.
These days, when I’m going through those shitty diabetes moments (or hours, or days or weeks, or 2020s…), Aaron is likely to gently set down a freshly brewed cup of black tea and a biscuit, accompanied with a back rub and the proclamation ‘Diabetes sucks’. And for me, that is worth more than troubleshooting or trying to work out why diabetes is behaving particularly nastily right now.
I talk about this often to loved ones of people with diabetes. Obviously, this is my experience and what works for me, but it is also mixed with plenty of tales from friends who speak about how when low they don’t want someone asking them how they got that way, of if high why they forgot to bolus. They don’t want someone suggesting they call their diabetes HCP or try something different or eat a different diet. They would rather notdiscuss diabetes right then.
I know that burnout happens for those around diabetes as well as those of us living it. It’s different and it impacts people in distinctive ways. But I suspect that some of that burnout may come from the constant desire to make the crappy diabetes stuff stop or not happen in the first place, even though that is not really a likely outcome. Perhaps one way to address that loved one burnout is to step back for a moment and not try to swoop in and repair what has gone wrong, or what is upsetting us, but instead to let us know that you are there for us in whatever way we need. And sure, for some people that may be going through a checklist of what happened during the day and talking through, step by step, how to make it different next time.
But for me? It’s a cup of tea and a shared understanding of the complete and utter suckiness that often accompanies diabetes. It may not seem like much; it may not seem to solve anything, really. But it gives me time to breathe and not have to talk or think about diabetes, or feel as though I have done something wrong. A cup of tea. (And maybe don’t forget the Tim Tam…)
This post is dedicated to my friend Amin who I am missing terribly, even though he teased me mercilessly in that Korean BBQ restaurant about my cup of tea theory. But I do want to thank him for the many virtual cups of tea he has sent me this year when I’ve really needed one.

Every morning for the last few months, my husband has posted a Facebook update on Victoria’s COVID numbers, along with a cheery message of congrats and motivation for fellow Victorians, in particular Melburnians.
My beautiful city has emerged from a long winter, spent very much not only indoors, but also within a 5km confine of our homes. The lockdown that saw us absolutely smash our second wave of COVID-19 was tough, but clearly necessary to regain control of numbers that were starting to look very, very scary.
I struggled with a lot of what was going on during that time. I am so lucky that the cocoon in which I live felt safe and secure and happy, because there was a lot going on that was not like that.
I had to stop watching the daily pressers from our Premier, not because the numbers were too overwhelming, (although the days we peaked at 700 new cases a day were tough), but rather because the media’s approach to just how present the information became too difficult to watch.
I’d already been stressed with reporting of those of us deemed high risk. That sense that we were disposable and didn’t matter with the dismissive ‘It’s nothing unless you’re old and already sick’, was a recurring theme from the moment the pandemic started.
But now it was more than that. It was the relentless negativity that was being thrown at the Premier and the Chief Health Officer that became unbearable. I realised that once I could recognise the voices and knew the names of the Murdoch hacks that hijacked the daily updates with their attempted gotcha-questions, that those who were meant to be reporting the news had become the news. I’m sure that’s not what journalists are meant to do.
Our whole state was desperately trying to understand just what was going on and how safe or at risk we were, but the loudest corners of the media seemed more focused on trying to bait politicians into admitting that they are the devil.
The same went for the way that opposition politicians who instead of being voices of support for their constituents, hampered, undermined and outright sabotaged the public health efforts that were clearly working.
This constant stream of negativity was impacting my mental health more than any curfew, needing to wear a mask, or limit to being permitted out of the house.
I also had to turn away and stop engaging completely with COVIDIOTS and conspiracy theorists who were outdoing each other with their stupidity. I still am incredulous that ‘anti-maskers’ is a thing. Except I’m not, because most of them are also anti-vaxers, and I’m pretty sure there is a direct correlation between the two. And so, I started using the mute function deliberately. Words, phrases and people that fed my anxieties because of their fear mongering were suddenly silent, and amazingly, I saw how much better I started to feel.
What I realised is that it comes down to this: in times when things are difficult and overwhelming, the fuel that keeps us going is not anger and negativity.
I am an annoyingly positive person by nature. It drives people around me nuts sometimes as I try to find the upbeat spin to pretty much everything. It wasn’t always easy during our long lockdown, but I tried.
Those daily number updates from my husband were really not about the numbers – most mornings I’d fed him the stats because I was the one tuned to Twitter until the DHHS daily update. It was the way he was sharing the news. I turned to him one morning and said ‘You’re like a cheer squad for Victoria. It’s lovely!’ I wasn’t the only one. Many people commented on how they waited for his injection of sunshine to get their day started.
Luckily for Aaron, he wasn’t the only person I was relying on for that positivity. On days where worries about diabetes-ing during a pandemic were creeping into my mind, I turned to friends in the diabetes community – both IRL and online. But again, I got smarter about how I did that. I completely isolated myself from whole corners of the DOC – again using mute – and found that my new curated DOC provided a source of support, entertainment and decent information. It’s amazing how much nicer one’s feed is without the passive aggressiveness and sub-tweeting that is just so common. (And yes, that last sentence could be considered an example of said shitty behaviour!)
The message group of my squad of four diabetes friends in particular lightened the load considerably, and helped talk me down from ledges of feeling scared and overwhelmed, with a mixture of reassuring messages, updates from their parts of the world, goofy animal pictures, sweary-ness and general inappropriateness, and a level of understanding that helped me breathe freely again.
I wonder what I’ll remember in years to come when I think back to 2020. I don’t think it will be the crappy media and sabotaging politicians. I know it probably won’t be diabetes because apart from occasionally heightened anxiety about the intersection of diabetes and COVID-19, my diabetes was manageable.
I suspect it will be the people around me – both physically and virtually – who made this dark time a little brighter. It will be my tightknit bubble of family and friends. It will be those friends who sent ridiculous memes, and made me laugh. The friends who shared pics of what they were cooking or book recommendations or how they cleverly were keeping their kids entertained while distance learning was happening. It will be the people who reached out as soon as Melbourne went into lockdown to ask how we were coping.
And so, now as there is so much more light here in Melbourne (both literally and figuratively) I’m keeping all of this close. Who knows where this pandemic will take us, or if there is a third wave coming? But if there is, perhaps I’ll feel better prepared, and know what to do.

The OPEN Diabetes Project is currently running a survey to look at the impact of do-it-yourself artificial pancreas systems (DIYAPS) on the health and wellbeing of users. There are stories all over the DOC about how people with diabetes (and parents of kids with diabetes) have taken the leap to Loop. These stories provide wonderful anecdotal tales of just why and how this tech has helped people.
The idea behind this new survey from the OPEN Diabetes team is to continue to build evidence about the effectiveness of this technology as well as take a look into the future to see just what this tech could have in store.
And important part of this new study is that it is not only OPEN (see what I did there?) to people who are using DIYAPS. That means anyone with diabetes can participate.
This project is important on a number of levels. It was conceived by people with diabetes and a significant number of the people involved in the project team (and I am one of them) are living with diabetes. We very much live the day-to-day life of diabetes and that certainly does make a difference when thinking about research. Also critically important is the fact that the ACBRD has recently joined the OPEN Project consortium. Having a team of researchers exclusively looking at the behavioural impact of diabetes technology will offer insights that have not necessarily been previously considered in such a robust way.
All the information you need can be found by clicking on the image below – including who to speak with if you are looking for more information. Please share the link to the survey with any of your diabetes networks, healthcare professionals who can help pass on details and anyone else who may be able to help spread the word.
A reminder – this is open to everyone with diabetes – not just people using DIYAPS. (I’m stating that again because it may not be all that clear as you are reading through the material once you click through to the survey.) You do not need to be Looping or ever tried the technology. Anyone with any type of diabetes, or parents/carers of kids with diabetes can be involved.
DISCLSOURE
I am, of course, concerned about privacy. In a world where pretty much everything there is to know about me is contained in a device I hold in my hand, I am well aware that there is a lot of data (diabetes and non-diabetes) available.
Obviously, I’m not all that concerned. I have my location settings switched on all the time. I check into places I visit – or rather, used to check into places because these days those check ins would be ‘bedroom’, ‘living room’, ‘kitchen’, ‘home office’, ‘garden; and not much else. I use social media extensively, at times offering a pretty intimate picture of my day-to-day activities. I happily installed the COVIDSafe App without a second though to what that would mean in terms of being able to trace where I had visited. I have done so much online shopping in the last few months that Amazon will have a very accurate and specific profile of my buying habits and what the inside of my house looks like. I happily sign up to new apps and websites, and pretty much every non-Murdoch news outlet has my details so I can access the latest in news. I do ridiculous, mindless quizzes on Facebook, signing up to have the privilege of finding out what my birthstone says about me.
But the thing about it is that I am happy to choose to hand over that info (and yes, I get that I have little idea which third party organisation is then given access to my data, but really, if they want to know ‘what 1970s song’ I am, they are welcome to that information). I also keep an eye on just who I have given access to, and frequently unauthorise apps and subscriptions.
Because I can do that.
I have the same attitude when it comes to my diabetes data. My personal situation is that I don’t share my data with anyone. I don’t have anyone real time monitoring my CGM. I don’t ever give access to my data to my HCP unless there is a specific issue I need help with and then sharing data is limited and on my terms. To be honest, I haven’t had anything downloaded for a HCP in the whole three years I’ve been Looping. And yet, the medical appointments I’ve had in that time have been the most rewarding, the most satisfying and the most relevant consultations I’ve ever had. I walk out with clear ideas about what I need to do to keep going with my diabetes, and feel so satisfied that the things that I wanted to discuss have been addressed.
I have recently done a couple of meetings where discussion has been around what is important when it comes to the development of an app or program. One meeting was referring specifically to an app that would be collecting data about day-to-day feelings of wellbeing, the other was about collecting data from a connected device. The meetings included a discussion about who would be able to see the data, and how they would be shared.
For me, the undeniable most important thing is being able to determine who sees my data, when they see it, how they see it and why they see it. I remember a few years ago, when Cellnovo was launching in Australia, attending a workshop where the inventor of the pump was showing off the fancy data collection app and how it was set up. I was a little astonished when we were told that the default setting for data sharing was up to the HCP. It was automatically turned on, and could be turned off, but that had to be done by the HCP. There were a couple of diabetes advocates in the room that night, and none of us seemed all that impressed about that.
When asked in these meetings what was important about the set up of these new data collection apps, the first thing I said was the PWD being in absolute control of who they share the data with. In my mind, that is a non-negotiable.
Last week, I was surprised to hear that some of the meeting participants say that it is a condition of access to diabetes devices that downloads by HCPs are compulsory. I asked for that to be clarified, thinking perhaps I’d misheard, but no, I had heard correctly the first time.
I have thought about this a lot over the last week. I thought about my ‘old days’ when I used to ‘forget’ to take in BG record books to avoid having to go over them with my HCP, or not have a meter with me in case I was asked for a download. This was, of course, before I realised that I didn’t need to agree to sharing the information on my device. It’s much harder in 2020 when we have our devices literally strapped to our bodies and driven by our phones to make the ‘I left it at home’ claim.
And I’ve also wondered how it is possible that in 2020, the agenda for a diabetes consultation is not being set by the PWD. It seems that data remains king to a lot of HCPs who have made the determination that access to data is not negotiable. I have been on advisory boards here in Australia and know that there is no way that this sort of thing would fly as national policy. Some centres may insist that data be downloaded, but PWD could still push back if they were comfortable doing so. (For the record, there should be no need to do that. Permission should be asked each and every time access to data is requested, and consent should be granted for it to happen. This also refers to the idea of having to be weighed at all appointments as matter of course.)
Obviously, in the true spirit of YDMV, there is no one way to do this and if people are happy to share their data, and for their HCP to have access to it, then brilliant! But that actually isn’t the point of today’s post. It’s not about deciding that you are okay with it. It is about not having a say. It’s about the idea that HCPs consider themselves the gatekeepers of MY data, or that they have a right to it. To me, I don’t think that is okay at all.
Postscript
This post is referring to adults, but if you want to read about my unpopular posts about kids consenting to sharing their data as they get older, try here or here.











