Diabetogenic

Interweb jumble #37 – In defence of #DBlogs

February 3, 2021 in Communication, Community, Diabetes, DOC, Real life, Social media | 5 comments

Apparently, diabetes blogs are dead. At least, that’s the proclamation that seems to made every month or so. You should very much consider my bias when I say that I don’t agree with that sentiment at all. I mean, I have a shitload of content on this here site – including new and re-visited posts that for me have some relevance to my diabetes life in the moment.

Newer and shinier platforms are here now, so surely that means it’s time to retire WordPress and Blogger. Or is it? Newer and shinier platforms are great, so I’m not here to claim that that they’re a waste of time. Podcasts and vlogs are great tools for sharing diabetes information. YouTube and Reddit are great places to learn. And then there is Tik Tok, but I am too old to be allowed to even log into that platform. (Not true, and I have loved some of what’s been shared there. It can be a brilliant storytelling and info-sharing format!)

I’m here to say that every single platform for sharing a diabetes tale has its place. And blogs are still very relevant: the long-form post is not dead. Not yet anyway.

It is from blogs that I learnt, and continue to learn from others with diabetes. I revisit old posts I’ve read because they remain relevant today, and have many bookmarked and saved because the information shared is so spot on! I use them as research for pieces I’m writing and presentations I’m giving. I send links to old (and new) blog posts to others with diabetes when they ask questions that I know someone has answered so beautifully. And I send posts to HCPs to give them an insight into real life diabetes that they may otherwise have not understood – a glimpse into the things we are hesitant to share with them – and how our interactions with them can leave a lasting impression: both good and bad.

Blogs are also where we hear from those who are adjacent to actually living with diabetes. Reading posts from parents of kids with diabetes and partners of loved ones gives me a perspective that I simply don’t have firsthand.

Advocacy and awareness efforts have been described and fought through blog posts. I’ve used this blog to advocate increased funding for products, research and healthcare. It helps get the message out to people, with simple calls to action so they can get involved too. And the first time I ever heard about Spare a Rose was via this post (the links in the post are not current), and from there so many in the diabetes blogosphere – myself included – jumped on the bandwagon to support this important campaign. We knew that while donating was important, getting the word out was critical too. Since 2013, dozens and dozens of posts have been shared, raising awareness about how this ‘by the community, for the community’ grassroots initiative.

Blogs are where some of those deep and scary issues that we only whisper about or hide away are discussed. It was in blog posts that I first read about just how diabetes impacts on mental health. Experiences about diabetes-related eating disorders were shared without judgement and shame. It was through my writing about infertility and diabetes that I connected with so many other people going through the same thing.

Diabetes blog posts – old and new – are a patchwork quilt of lived experience gold, with the common thread that no one’s diabetes story is more valuable or important, but that everyone has a story to share that is worthwhile.

Some believe that blogs posts are just a way for people to ramble and navel gaze and seek attention. Well to them, I say please enjoy (or don’t) exhibit A – the 1100+ posts here that may be navel gazing to some, but paint a picture of my 22 years of diabetes. It’s not everyone’s experience; it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. And I’m okay with that! If you don’t like the blog format, move on. No one is forcing anyone to read a blog post. Or to get on any other format for that matter. Because, of course, your preferred diabetes info mode may vary (#YPDIMMV).

Someone said to me that reading new blog posts these days is boring because there is nothing new – it’s already been said. And you know what? That could well be true. Diabetes is boring and even though everyone’s diabetes is different, many of us write about similar situations. But actually, that’’s okay. Because for some people, it may be the first time they see or read a post about a particular topic – even if there are five million others! – or perhaps there is a different outlook in there.

I think that people write for different reasons. I write for a creative outlet and writing provides me with a way to explore different ideas about not only my own diabetes, but the diabetes landscape. But mostly, I write to connect with others. I don’t think anything I have to say is particularly erudite or mind blowing. I don’t have any revelations that will help someone else’s diabetes make sense. My own diabetes makes no sense to me, so the chance of it making sense to someone else is very unlikely.

I found most diabetes blogs because their writer shared them on Twitter or on Facebook. Or, others in the community shared them, which is one of the truly wonderful things about the DOC – the way some people elevate others in the community. There used to be an annual event called #DBlogWeek which was a brilliant opportunity to learn about others writing about diabetes. Diabetes Mine’s monthly blogosphere wrap up keeps me updated with some wonderful pieces. (And for German speakers, here you can find a curated collection of blog posts by Bastian from deDOC : I run posts through Google translate to understand them.)

And so, here are some of the brilliant pieces written by PWD I’ve read in recent times. I hope that you enjoy them too.

Corinna Cornejo writes at Type 2 Musings, and is also a contributor to the Ascensia Editorial Board (disclosure: I am too and am paid for my contributions). This great piece about power imbalance in the clinic room.

One of my favourite Aussie bloggers, Frank Sita, wrote this insightful piece about taking a pump break over the festive season:

Diabetes and pregnancy and baby blogs have always been a favourite of mine. I cannot tell you how many I read back when I was at that stage of my life! New mamma Ashley has shared this gorgeous post while (literally) awaiting the arrival of her baby girl.

I loved Dave Sowerby’s 2020 look back in this post.

Kerri Sparling may have retired her blog a couple of years ago, but I was so grateful for this new post on September last year while Melbourne was in the depths of lockdown. I’m sharing it here for others who are locked down at the moment. (And Kerri’s fourteen years of posts are still available at SixUntilMe.com)

Tim Street’s blogs are not for the faint hearted! They are often super technical, but non-techies (my hand is raised) will definitely get a heap out of them. His latest blog post from just a couple of days ago has me thinking about what I need to do to jiggle my basal rates a bit.

I haven’t watched the video that accompanies this blog post from Jen Grieves, but the words expressing how she is feeling in the midst of lockdown resonated so beautifully.

Holly Allen’s post from the end of 2020 about imposter syndrome hit a little too close to for comfort! It’s a recurring theme from some diabetes advocates (and my hand is raised for this one too!)

This from Molly at Hugging the Cactus had me aching as I read it. I miss my diabetes mates so hard and mourn all the opportunities we’ve missed to catch up.

And finally, I’ve not been able to stop thinking about this piece from Cherise Shockley that she wrote for diaTribe recently, and the idea of a carb glass ceiling. I realise that I have a very similar way of thinking when it comes to counting carbs and I love how she has explored the psychology behind why people may think this way.

Spare a Rose 2021

February 1, 2021 in #SpareARose, Community, Peer support, Social media | 2 comments

Each February since 2013, the global Diabetes Online Community has supported the charity Life for a Child through the Spare a Rose, Save a Child campaign. For anyone new to the DOC, or to this blog, Spare a Rose is a super simple campaign with its climax on Valentine’s Day. The idea is for people to send 11 rather than 12 roses to their loved one, and donate the money saved from that one rose to Spare a Rose. That one rose will provide a child with diabetes in an under resourced country insulin for a month. One rose equals one month. Easy!

No one owns Spare a Rose. It was created by a group of diabetes advocates from the US diabetes community and quickly spread to other countries. It is the definition of ‘by people with diabetes, for people with diabetes’ and is a beautiful and perfect illustration about what the DOC can be about when egos, arguments and debates are put aside. There have always been champions who have done an outstanding job sharing the campaign to their networks, but every single person in the DOC is part of the Spare a Rose community. Most people just go about contributing quietly, not needing to shout to the world how much they have donated, because that’s not really in the spirit of the campaign. Every single dollar, euro or pound donated is important and makes a difference.

But here is something worth shouting about: In the eight years the campaign has run, a grand total of USD$261,733 has been raised. Put in Spare a Rose terms, that’s 52,347 roses, which means that a whole year’s worth of insulin has been provided to almost 4,400 children and young people with diabetes in under-resourced countries. I still get goosebumps just thinking about that!

The most amazing thing about Spare a Rose is that it has been picked up in some really wonderful and creative ways. As well as blogs and posts across pretty much evert social media platform imaginable, there have been tweet chats, podcasts and vlogs dedicated to raising awareness and raising funds for the campaign. Talented artists in the DOC have created beautiful artwork and designs to promote the campaign. There have workplace giving campaigns. These efforts have come from every corner of the community, and have resulted in some truly astonishing fundraising totals – especially over the last couple of years.

Spare a Rose 2021 might be a little different. The effects of COVID-19 means that a lot of people who have donated in previous years may not be in a position to do so this year, which is completely understandable. ATTD has been postponed to June which means Spare a Rose can’t piggyback off this year’s conference. The last few years it’s been great to use the focus of a major diabetes conference – and its audience of a huge number of diabetes advocates – to whip up a frenzy of interest and excitement about the campaign, and to introduce it to a whole heap of PWD who may otherwise not have heard about it. We’ve been unashamedly opportunistic by running cheeky adjunct campaigns like Spare a Frown, that raised over $10,000 in just a few days. And we’ve absolutely taken advantage of being right in the face of diabetes device and pharma companies, and asked them to contribute. Which they willingly have.

And so, there may be fewer opportunities to get people to reach into their pockets to donate.

But also, we all know that diabetes doesn’t stop just because there is a global pandemic. And we know that it is people already disproportionately affected by diabetes who are doing it even tougher in times of COVID-19.

Today is the big kick off for Spare A Rose, Save a Child for 2021. It’s another chance for the diabetes community to come together and show just what it can do to support those who are living in places where diabetes is more difficult to afford and to manage; where access to healthcare, medications and diabetes consumables is a daily challenge. If you are lucky enough to live in a country where there is universal healthcare, or to have insurance that helps you afford living with diabetes, and are in a position to make a donation, please, please do.

And share! Word of mouth is important for Spare a Rose. Seeing the DOC flooded with images of roses and links to the donation page helps no end. So, here you go…click on the image below to be taken straight to the donation page. Let’s see what we can do for others in the community.

Follow Spare a Rose on Twitter.

And on Facebook.

And on Instagram.

Learning to catch the fall

January 29, 2021 in Awareness, Diabetes, Mental health, Real life, Wellbeing | 4 comments

Last year, a lot of the work I did centred around mental health and diabetes. It’s funny how things happen – we had always planned for it to be the focus for our National Diabetes Week campaign at Diabetes Australia (disclosure: I work there), and then COVID-19 happened, and it seemed all the more important to make sure that we were flagging just how much people with diabetes’ mental health was being impacted by the pandemic. Spoiler alert – the answer was, and still is, a lot.

Last year also happened to be the year that my own anxiety went from being something I’d dealt with mostly in the past to something that became very much in the present and a bigger issue for me than living with diabetes. I had a few panic attacks that terrified me and had the domino effect of adding to my anxiety as I’d wait for the next one to strike. But it wasn’t just those acute moments that made me feel anxious. It was a low-grade hum that became the soundtrack to every waking moment, sometimes exploding into a roar.

Of course, COVID-19 contributed to it all, because how could it not? But I also knew that these feelings of disquiet and unease had started well before the pandemic was firmly on my radar, before our first lockdown, and before Melbourne’s second lockdown – the longest and strictest is the world.

Trying to keep it all in check was tough but at the time I thought that the fact that there was just so much going on with work was a good thing. I simply couldn’t examine too closely what was going on with my mental health because work was just so, so intense, and anyway, of course I was feeling fretful and anxious because who wasn’t?! Hindsight, of course, suggests that it probably would have been better to stop for a moment and address that hum rather than try to explain it away or drown it out with more and more noise that actually only made it worse.

And so, I started putting words to what I was feeling because that was a first step to acknowledging that I needed to do something. And that I needed help. I started to check in on my anxiety levels each morning. Or when something significant, (or even not all that significant) happened, I’d stop and ask myself how anxious I felt. Starting to be able to name how I was feeling, and rate it, meant I could do something about it.

I had occasional telehealth appointments with a psychologist, to work through and to help develop strategies for coping. And to spend time working out where this anxiety had stemmed from. This is something that has always been important for me to do. When I have had periods of extreme anxiety before, there has been no coming out of it without being able to pinpoint where, when and how it started.

Sometimes that’s not all that easy to do, other times it’s glaringly obvious. When diabetes has been acknowledged as the cause of my increased anxiety, it’s never enough to just say ‘diabetes’ – it’s usually something more nuanced and specific. And so down the rabbit hole I go as I try to pinpoint exactly what I need to work through to start feel better.

But this time, it was clear. It wasn’t having diabetes; it was being in diabetes. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it makes sense to anyone who has ever worked in a diabetes-related job, or spent a lot of time in the diabetes community. It was the latter that was making me very, very anxious. I’d already been aware that I was experiencing diabetes advocacy burnout, but anxiety is different to burnout. It was more than just the sense of feeling overwhelmed and nervous every time I raised my head above the parapet (which is a lot because of my job and advocacy work). So, I had a head start on what needed attention even before speaking with the psychologist, but we did work at narrowing down just what the triggers were for me that increased my anxiety levels, how to avoid them and how to cope if I couldn’t.

I learnt to ‘catch the fall’. That’s why checking in became important to me. When I could start to verbalise how I was feeling, and isolate when anxiety levels were increasing, I could do something. Breathing exercises, grabbing a book – any book – from the bookshelf and focusing on a page of words, going for a walk around the old laneways of our old neighbourhood. These all acted as circuit breakers, allowing me to catch the fall before I started to feel really, really anxious. And managed to catch most panic attacks. In fact, the rare times I actually did have something resembling a panic attack was a trigger that hit me in the face without warning. It happens – those triggers pop up despite best efforts to avoid them.

I’ve just returned to work from almost five weeks of holidays. It had been twelve months since I’d taken any time off, and (again: hindsight) I should have been smarter and taken a break when my anxiety was really starting to affect my day-to-day existence. Because right now, of course I feel like I can breathe freely and as though my head is clear. The dread I’d wake up with – a pressing down feeling that came at me from every angle – slowly lifted. It wasn’t just work that I took the break from. I removed myself from social media completely. Actually, that’s a lie. I doom scrolled my way through Twitter for about two weeks following what was going on in the US, but I had every single diabetes term, hashtag and phrase muted.

I am still anxious. I still do my regular check ins to see just how anxious I am feeling about different situations (the one I did yesterday morning where I asked myself I how I was feeling about actually going into my office for the first time in almost a year resulted in tears, so I rated that as ‘quite anxious’, but I was easily about to understand where that was coming from! COVID-19 is still here, even in Melbourne.)

Unsurprisingly for me, the most anxious I felt (rating: really, really, really anxious right now and can I please crawl under a blanket on the sofa with a doggo at my feet) was when I checked in after spending an hour on Twitter after unmuting the word diabetes. I muted it again, because baby steps and still steps.

And so, this rambling, messy post exploring just how I’ve been feeling in my head has no answers or solutions or ideas. Except I know that 2020 was tough. And I know that I am not alone in having felt that way. I also know that in the scheme of things, despite anxiety, despite COVID-19 and despite…well…everything, I’m mostly okay. And I’m starting 2021 in a place of some clarity and freshness, which I hope means that if that anxiety hum starts to get louder again, I’ll be able to hear that happen. And catch the fall before it’s too late.

Interweb Jumble #36 – shining lights in the DOC

December 24, 2020 in #SpareARose, Awareness, Community, Conferences, Diabetes, DOC, Interweb Jumble, Peer support, Real life, Social media, technology | 2 comments

My email autoreply is on and I have a glorious four weeks of holidays to look forward to. The last time I took any time off was back in January when my family travelled to NYC. There is no travelling this year. We have a new, beautifully landscaped back garden to camp out in over the next month instead. (By ‘camp out’ I mean sit comfortably on a sun lounger and drink Pimm’s.)

My plans are simple – do as little as possible. I’ve rallied against taking any time off this year because I’ve not seen the point. Why would I take time off to simply stay within the walls that I’ve stayed within for most of the year?

That was a mistake. I should have taken some time off. I should have stepped away from the computer and from work – even if it were just for a couple of days.

And so, I’m going to truly try to log off, to not stare at my computer, or open my laptop to just write a quick thing, revise something I’ve been working on, message a friend. I’m going to remove SoMe apps from my phone so that it’s not all that simple to quickly check for an update of what is going on in the Twitterverse or the world of Facebook and Instagram.

I wanted to finish the year on a positive by highlighting some of the people who have made the DOC truly remarkable. So, this is a little Interweb Jumble of the folks in the DOC who have made the place safe, happy and continue to truly be about community. Check them out if you already don’t. Expanding your view of the DOC is important if you want to learn about more than just your part of the world.

Cherise Shockley has a new podcast…

…and you should subscribe! It’s called ‘Don’t Keep it to Yourself’ and it’s my favourite new diabetes podcast which is completely not about diabetes! Instead, Cherise is pushing people outside their comfort zones and asking them to share things that others may not know about them. I’ve loved hearing the episodes she’s already shared and had an absolute ball chatting with her.

The thing about Cherise is that she IS community. Even though her podcast is not about diabetes, it is still about people supporting and looking out for each other. Because that is who this woman is! Subscribe and listen from wherever you subscribe and listen to podcasts.

DOC friends who have made me uncomfortable – but in a good way.

First up is wonderful Steffi from Pep Me Up whose Instagram stories challenged me to look at what was going on in the world in different ways. She has been absolutely relentless in her efforts to elevate the stories of people who are forgotten or left behind and highlight the bias we inherently have. You can find Steffi on Instagram here.

And secondly, the also wonderful Tine who you can find on Twitter at @SayTine. We’ve known each other for a number of years now and we bonded over a mutual love of food. We have been allies in the language matters movement. Tine’s feminism has always been aligned with my own, but she has introduced me to different people and ideas that have made me consider some of my own ideas.

Accessible Dtech information…

…from the always enthusiastic and excited Nerdabetic. I met Kamil for the first time a year or so ago and discovered that he is every bit as awesome and lovely in real life as he is online. I love the way he makes the latest in diabetes tech accessible and relevant to tech-imbeciles like me while also making it relevant to people whose interest in and understanding of technology generally makes my brain synapsis short circuit. It’s great to see Kamil appearing in the global DOC more with appearances on diaTribe. Kamil’s YouTube channel is here.

Brilliant photography…

…from a DOC stalwart. Mike Durbin was one of the first people I noticed in the DOC when I started participating in DSMA tweetchats over ten years ago. I’ve never met him, but am always interested in what he has to say, and his thoughtful takes on the diabetes world. Mike appears in every single presentation I give about diabetes peer support and the DOC because I always share this picture. It speaks community to me.

On top of being such an integral and wonderful part of the DOC, Mike is a truly outstanding photographer and this year, I have found myself absolutely obsessed with what he has shared. You can see his work on Twitter here.

More Clever creatives

I adore the gorgeous artwork Nicole Buchanan shares on her Instagram. She absolutely nails diabetes moments with stunning designs and clever captions. I’ve shared so many of her posts because it’s like she has climbed into my head and then perfectly explained the mess in there with a beautiful illustration. You can follow her on Instagram here.

Another favourite diabetes creative is Katie Lamb, another talented illustrator who manages to capture diabetes in her lush drawings. She’ll even draw you for a small fee! Find her here.

Aussie Jenna Cantamessa continues to share beautiful drawings on her Instagram here, and she has just opened an Etsy store so you can own one of her beautiful pictures.

Special mention to dedoc for keeping PWD at conferences…

…because it would have been all too easy for us to have been forgotten with conferences going online. Bastian has done a stellar job getting DEDOC Voices up and running, offering scholarships to PWD to be part of ATTD (the only IRL large-scale conference this year), EASD and ISPAD.

CWD keeping people connected

Children with Diabetes did a herculean job of not only running hugely successful Friends for Life conferences online, but also churned out relevant content all year, and seemed to run a bazillion meetups to keep people connected. In case you missed the fireside chat hosted by Kerri Sparling about #LanguageMatters, you can play catch up here.

Spare a Rose…

…will be back next year, but I just wanted to mention the amazing efforts of the community this year as we smashed all previous records and delivered a magnificent USD$73,748 straight to Life for a Child. How remarkable is it when the DOC stops looking inwards??

The offline DOC friends who kept me going…

…are the reason that I have reached this stage of this year with some sense of balance. A huge thank you to the squad of four friends from the US & UK who have shared their lives with me throughout this clusterfuck of a year in an endless message thread that has kept me going. And the IRL friends too – with special mentions to Georgie and Jo. I am so grateful we live close to each other.

And don’t forget…

…please do consider making a donation to Insulin for Life’s Secret Santa Campaign.

Finally…

…that’s all from me for 2020. I’ll be back in the new year, but for now I am switching off and doing everything in my power to be less busy, less online and less engaged. Probably the only downside I see with Loop is how reliant it is on being close to my iPhone at all times, because honestly, I would like to let my phone battery run flat and not charge it up again until the end of January! But I am making a concerted effort to turn off and ignore notifications and be more present with the people I am so, so lucky to spend my life with. To those celebrating, have a wonderful festive season. Thanks to everyone who has stopped by. See you in 2021.

Don’t panic!!

December 23, 2020 in Advocacy, Awareness, Community, Diabetes, DOC, Peer support, Social media | 1 comment

I know…it’s almost Christmas. And if you are anything like me and mine, you’ve left the run of gift buying a little late. Or you’ve wound up in lockdown. Or the thought of battling crowds is not something that you are all that keen on because there are too many un-masked bandits in the shops.

And so, here’s another little reminder that there is no need to panic because Insulin for Life is doing Secret Santa and your can absolutely buy the BEST. PRESENT. EVER. with heaps of time to spare. All without hitting pause on your Netflix binge!

It only takes $5/€5/£5 to make a real difference to a person with diabetes in an under-resourced country. That small amount will provide a week’s worth of insulin and diabetes supplies to someone who otherwise might not have them.

My family made the decision this year that in lieu of gifts for my cousins’ kids, we’d make donations instead. We absolutely adore these kids, but know that they probably won’t miss the book or book voucher we usually give them. And we also know that making a donation in their names literally means saving a life. That seems like a pretty good trade.

Without a doubt, 2020 has been horrid for many, and those doing it toughest were already likely doing it tough even before a year-long pandemic. If you are in the position to make a donation to this cause, please do. If you can share the link to the donation page with friends, colleagues and loved ones, please do.

I know that the diabetes community comes together to support our own beautifully. We’ve seen it in a million different ways. I’m hoping that in the lead up to Christmas that support will look like people making donations to Insulin for Life…and encouraging others to do the same. Please do help if you can.

Easy, impactful and nailing your Christmas shopping just by clicking on the picture above!

Lots about lows

December 18, 2020 in Awareness, Community, Diabetes, DOC, Hypo, Lows, Mental health, Peer support, Real life, Social media, Wellbeing | 1 comment

It seems that my life has been all about hypoglycaemia lately. Not because I have been scrambling about with low glucose levels, but because it has been taking up a considerable number of my work hours and focus.

Diabetes Australia (disclosure below) has been running The Lowdown 2020, and I’ve been hosting a podcast (to be released in 2021) for HypoRESOLVE (also disclosed below).

The difference between the two projects is mostly the people I have been speaking with. For the Diabetes Australia campaign, we have had a very strong focus on the lived experience, and hearing directly from PWD about their own hypo stories with an emphasis on how hypos affect our emotional wellbeing and mental health.

For the HypoRESOLVE podcast, I’ve mostly been interviewing HCPs, researchers and academics, and talking about the specifics of the different work packages that make up the very large project.

Sometimes, that gap is quite stark. Having said that, however, it is so refreshing to hear HCPs acknowledge just how challenging hypoglycaemia can be to live with, and how their knowledge base is not always in line with the lived experience and practicalities of a real-life low. Perhaps one of my favourite episodes we recorded for the HR podcast was a wonderfully open and engaging conversation with Simon O’Neil (from Diabetes UK) and Simon Heller (diabetes specialist and researcher from Sheffield in the UK). Together, we spoke about our own experiences – Simon O and me with our own hypo tales, and Simon H spoke about what he has come to learn from PWD.

Together, the conversation showed just how to bridge that gap – a lot of it is with understanding and listening to the lived experience, and recognising the expertise of the PWD.

Hypoglycaemia remains a significant issue of concern and source of anxiety for many people with diabetes. For those of us who are fortunate to have access to DIYAPS or other hybrid-closed loop systems, we may have found that our hypo experiences have changed, and the number of hypos has diminished. I am one of those people who now actually feels as though I am nailing the number of ‘accepted’ hypos in a week, rather than being an overachiever. And a special thanks to Frank Sita for mentioning this specific issue in the Diabetes Australia Facebook Live chat the other night. Being told that we should be averaging two or three hypos a week can be absolutely soul destroying. Especially when I’m yet to hear a never-fail (or even only-sometimes-fail) strategy for addressing it. I’ve said this before, but the idea of saying ‘Try to avoid hypos’ doesn’t make sense. If we could do that, we would be! And it suggests that we are making them happen on purpose. Same as suggesting we ‘Run a bit higher, like maybe 10mmol/l’. That’s the same as saying ‘Run a bit in range, like maybe between 4 and 8mmol/l’. That’s not how diabetes works!

What do we learn when we run activities that talk about hypos? We learn that many people are grateful for others’ stories. That people feel less alone, and better equipped to speak about and attempt to address any issues they may be experiencing. We know people pick up tips and tricks from others. We know that (once again) peer support is important to many PWD.

So, with that, I’m sharing a couple of videos from the last week or so.

First up is the Q&A I did with Professor Jane Speight from the ACBRD last week, where we had a very frank discussion about the mental health implications of hypos.

And this week’s Heads Together event I hosted, a wonderful collection of Aussie PWD indulged me as I fired questions at them about their own hypo experiences.

You can also check out the Diabetes Australia campaign here, and by searching for the hashtag #HyposHappen on socials.

Disclosures

I am the Manager of Type 1 Diabetes and Communities at Diabetes Australia and am involved in the Lowdown 2020. I have not been asked to write about this, or share information about the campaign, but I am doing so anyway because I think it is a great initiative. Of course I get paid for my work at Diabetes Australia – they employ me! (But this, as with all my blog posts, was written in my own time.)

I am on the Patient Advisory Board for the HypoRESOLVE project. This is a volunteer position and the only financial contributions I have received for my work on this project are to cover travel, accommodation and expenses. (So not a cent this year!) My time recording the podcast is not paid.

No one has reviewed this before I hit the publish button. The words and all associated typos are all my own. As always, you should consider my bias in anything and everything I write.

Ride it out with a cup of tea

December 16, 2020 in Community, Diabetes, Family, Real life, Wellbeing | 8 comments

Last year, at the IDF Congress, after a full and busy day of talks and sessions, there was a night of fun with a group of diabetes mates at a Korean BBQ restaurant. As we sat around the fiery pit, we were talking about some tricky things with diabetes and what helps and what doesn’t when we’re having one of those days.

Wielding a pair of tongs and other cooking implements as I pretended to have superior BBQ skills (I don’t), I explained to the table my cup of tea theory, how it is exactly what I need on one of those crappy diabetes days, and how my husband has absolutely mastered it.

‘I don’t need anyone to help, or try to fix the situation – especially as often the situation cannot be fixed. I want someone to tell me that diabetes sucks and then bring me a cup of tea.’ Two of the men sitting opposite me had a complete and utter Venus/Mars look on their faces. ‘A cup of tea? What’s that going to do?’

‘It’s not meant to ‘do’ anything,’ I said, flipping over some steak, and trying to not burn myself or others sitting near me. ‘Because he can’t ‘do’ anything about my diabetes being there or what is pissing me off. It just makes me feel less stressed out.’

‘Okay – well, if I ever see you on the side of the highway with a flat tyre on your car, I won’t stop and help. I’ll make sure to drive on past, find a café and come back with a cup of tea for you,’ one of them said with a cheeky smile.

‘That would be lovely,’ I told them. ‘By the time you got back, I’d have changed the tyre over and be ready to drive off, so tea would be great. Bring some wipes too to clean my hands. BUT, that’s not what I am talking about anyway, and you know that!’

This isn’t about not wanting help and thinking I can do everything by myself. Or that I need to be some sort of superhero, (because there are no superheroes in diabetes). It’s that most of the time there is no way to make things better or actually fix things.

I hate to be gendered, but in my personal experiences, it is men around me that quickly jump in to offer suggestions and offer solutions. I understand why. My dad struggles with the idea that I’m doing things tough and doesn’t like to not be able to help. He doesn’t really believe that sometimes the act of just being there provides me with bucketloads of support and reassurance. When I was first diagnosed, Aaron wanted to stop or fix the crappy moments because he didn’t want me to have to experience them. While I always appreciated people wanting to ease the distress, frustration and annoyance of diabetes, I also knew that their ideas and suggestions were something that I’d either already tried, or thought of and knew wouldn’t work.

And sometimes, the truth about diabetes is that there is just no fixing the situation. Instead, it’s a matter of riding it out.

These days, when I’m going through those shitty diabetes moments (or hours, or days or weeks, or 2020s…), Aaron is likely to gently set down a freshly brewed cup of black tea and a biscuit, accompanied with a back rub and the proclamation ‘Diabetes sucks’. And for me, that is worth more than troubleshooting or trying to work out why diabetes is behaving particularly nastily right now.

I talk about this often to loved ones of people with diabetes. Obviously, this is my experience and what works for me, but it is also mixed with plenty of tales from friends who speak about how when low they don’t want someone asking them how they got that way, of if high why they forgot to bolus. They don’t want someone suggesting they call their diabetes HCP or try something different or eat a different diet. They would rather notdiscuss diabetes right then.

I know that burnout happens for those around diabetes as well as those of us living it. It’s different and it impacts people in distinctive ways. But I suspect that some of that burnout may come from the constant desire to make the crappy diabetes stuff stop or not happen in the first place, even though that is not really a likely outcome. Perhaps one way to address that loved one burnout is to step back for a moment and not try to swoop in and repair what has gone wrong, or what is upsetting us, but instead to let us know that you are there for us in whatever way we need. And sure, for some people that may be going through a checklist of what happened during the day and talking through, step by step, how to make it different next time.

But for me? It’s a cup of tea and a shared understanding of the complete and utter suckiness that often accompanies diabetes. It may not seem like much; it may not seem to solve anything, really. But it gives me time to breathe and not have to talk or think about diabetes, or feel as though I have done something wrong. A cup of tea. (And maybe don’t forget the Tim Tam…)

This post is dedicated to my friend Amin who I am missing terribly, even though he teased me mercilessly in that Korean BBQ restaurant about my cup of tea theory. But I do want to thank him for the many virtual cups of tea he has sent me this year when I’ve really needed one.

Enough for now

December 1, 2020 in Communication, Community, Diabetes, DOC, Mental health, Peer support, Real life, Social media, Wellbeing | 6 comments

Diabetes Awareness Month has come to a close and with it the blue that has washed over my social media feeds will dim a little. I had a quiet month, spending most of my time following others rather than sharing my own content. It seems to have been representative of my year in diabetes advocacy, really.

I’ve been quiet. It wasn’t planned, but it has been deliberate. And it hasn’t gone unnoticed. I’ve started and stopped and started and stopped this post for a while to answer the messages from people who have so kindly asked if I am okay. Let’s see if this is the one that sticks…

Earlier this year, I wrote about having a panic attack while on a plane after landing back in Melbourne from ATTD in Madrid. You can sort of read about it here, although I was pretty vague about what actually happened saying little more than that I turned on my phone to a million Twitter notifications about a blog post that some people had assumed was written about me and then subsequent comments. I was surprised, horrified and more than a little confused.

This came hot on the heels of a couple of other tricky situations. There was the run in with the diabetes HCP who told me to tone down (after they completely misrepresented what I had written about). And then there was another HCP rallying troops to call me out (that caused me to lock my twitter for the first time ever at the end of last year).

Anyway…the culmination of all these things resulted in the realisation that this year was going to be a lot different for me. I was going to take a massive step back from much of the work I did that was public facing. I felt that I simply couldn’t take the scrutiny that was coming my way.

Even before the panic attack on the plane incident, I was feeling unsettled. I was unspeakably nervous about the presentation I had been invited to give at the conference in Madrid. This was a completely alien feeling to me. I have been speaking publicly for decades, and for twenty years, comfortably stood on stage playing the flute for anyone who would listen. Standing in front of an audience doesn’t make me nervous. It doesn’t make me sweaty and scared. And yet, here I was wondering whether I should not go to Madrid at all to stand up on that stage. But after some ridiculous bravado as seen in this post, I decided that I had to go.

As I sat on that plane, desperately trying to recover from the panic attack that was making it difficult for me to breathe and hiding my tears from the other passengers, I had a fleeting thought that I probably should have gone with my gut feeling and stayed home!

And so, I felt that there was only one thing I could do. Forget the whole stand up thing and instead step back. I wasn’t necessarily sure what that would look like. I couldn’t stop attending and being part of diabetes meetings and conferences because that is part of my job, but I could turn down speaking engagements or anything that put me in a position where I was sharing my personal, lived experience that others might find challenging, or at odds with their own. I needed to deal with the diabetes burnout that was so, so heavy and weighing me down.

COVID-19 certainly helped with that. As the world got turned upside down, a lot of the things that I was worried about simply didn’t happen. It became easier for me to limit my interactions with people and hide away a bit more.

The feelings of burnout and anxiety about being part of the community didn’t disappear, but they seemed less urgent.

And with that came the realisation that the burnout I was feeling because of diabetes actually was not because of my diabetes at all.

Diabetes burnout has always happened to me when those constant diabetes tasks became too overwhelming; when just the thought of opening up a meter bag, or checking my CGM trace was too much to even contemplate. Burnout meant that every single number became a measure of my value and worth. I’d lose all perspective and lose all confidence of my abilities to actually do what I needed to do.

The burnout I felt now was the effort of being a diabetes advocate IN the diabetes community. It was fearing that I was being seen in ways that actually were completely inaccurate – in fact at complete odds with everything I have ever stood for – and that led me to second guess everything I said, fearing that I would be misunderstood. It was feeling vulnerable and scared and exposed in the community that was meant to support me.

I received an email from someone in the DOC who has been around for many years, and I have known (on Twitter only) who told me that because I am confident in my communication, am comfortable challenging ideas different to mine and share opinions that not everyone agrees with it, I leave myself open to criticism. And that criticism and the dialogue that follows resulted in their corner of the diabetes community being less enjoyable to him and others. All while suggesting that, unlike he, who has never deliberately set out to disagree with anyone – I seem to revel in it.

Interesting take. I don’t seek to disagree with people. But if anyone is saying something that I believe is stigmatising to PWD or minimising our experiences, I will call it out. It’s been my MO for almost twenty years.

I never replied to the person who sent me that email. I cried about it for days, however, and have it filed away and occasionally return to the half-written response that I keep meaning to finish so I can hit send on my reply. I feel it’s quite impolite that I’ve not replied to someone who took the time to write to me… But, truthfully, I am too tired, and that so-called confidence has abandoned me.

Diabetogenic is the least active it’s been since I started it close to ten years ago. That’s not because I have nothing more to write – I still write every single day, I just squirrel things away now, too afraid to share them, sticking to safer topics – research call outs, fundraising initiatives, commenting on things that aren’t controversial or taboo topics.

I started this blog because it was the space for me connect with others – not only people who were walking the same diabetes path as me, but also those who were doing things very differently. Because often, they are the people I learn most from.

It became a place I could write about those issues that were tough – the mental health challenges of diabetes, the frustrations and desperation I felt about the health system, trying to navigate through health professionals who refused to acknowledge that PWD belong everywhere and anywhere diabetes is spoken about. And it was a place that my split-apart heart was able to open up and share the unspeakable sadness that I felt as fertility issues became part of my life. I am so grateful that I was able to do that and receive the support that I so desperately needed from people who understood how the impact of diabetes on those fragile, and so, so hard parts of life shattered me into a million broken pieces. Because it was those people who helped glue me back together.

Wanting and needing that support and connection hasn’t stopped. I still seek it. I’m just a little more cautious about how I go about it these days sticking with friends and others I feel safe with rather than the wider community that doesn’t feel safe. I know where to go to get what I need.

I don’t really know what to do with this blog anymore. Feeling unable to share a lot of what I want to say is alien to me. But for now, this doesn’t seem to be the place to do it. I guess I continue as I have been – hitting publish when I feel I can, and for the next month, anyone popping by will see a lot of pleas to donate to Insulin for Life.

And I guess that will have to be enough for now.

#IFLSecretSanta

November 23, 2020 in Advocacy, Awareness, Community, Diabetes, DOC, Social media | 1 comment

I’m loathe to talk Christmas while still in November. In fact, we have rules in our house that we do not even mention the word until after my daughter’s and my birthdays which both fall in the last week of the month.

However, the other day as I was doing some supermarket shopping, I heard the strains of Silent Night and noticed glittery decorations starting to adorn the streets. Honestly, this year is so all over the shop that I have no idea what month it really is, but if Woolies wants me to believe it’s the festive season, who am I to argue?

And so, let’s talk Christmas…specifically this:

We all know how tough this year has been. We all know that there is no corner of our globe that has not been touched some way by the COVID-19 pandemic. What we should all also know is that even though COVID-19 may be global, there are some people who have been disproportionately affected, and it is always the most vulnerable people in the most vulnerable places that find themselves in that situation. Contrary to the idea that COVID doesn’t discriminate, people already doing it tough are finding things even tougher.

Which, to me, means that for those of us who can, now is as good a time as ever to step up and support anyone finding themselves in that situation.

I’ve been trying to get rid of the tradition Secret Santa or Kris Kringle (or whatever you call it in your family or workplace) for years now, instead directing those funds to a charity that supports people with diabetes living in under-resourced countries . You can read my grinch-like posts about that here and here oh, and here, where I yell that NO ONE WANTS A BATH BOMB!! It’s true. NO.ONE.WANTS.A.BATH.BOMB.

BUT! People with diabetes want insulin, diabetes supplies and education, and by ‘want’ I obviously mean ‘need’. (NO.ONE.NEEDS.A.BATH.BOMB.)

Insulin for Life Global is a charity that helps people with diabetes in need of the things that I (try really hard not to) take for granted. I have spoken and written a lot about Life for a Child (LFAC), mostly in relation to the Spare a Rose campaign. Insulin for Life Global picks up where LFAC ages out. Because, diabetes is for life, not just until you’re 26 years old.

This year, Insulin for Life is launching its new #IFLSecretSanta campaign and is asking the diabetes community to please get on board. I’m totally on board with this Secret Santa campaign because it will be more than just a novelty gift that is likely to end up in landfill.

A donation of $5 (or €5 or £5) will provide a week’s worth of insulin and diabetes supplies to a person with diabetes in one of the countries supported by the charity.

I asked around, and it seems that most office Secret Santa gifts have a limit of $10. That’s two whole weeks of diabetes supplies (including insulin) to an adult with diabetes who might otherwise not have it. If your whole workplace gets on board (or family, or friendship group, or book club…) that suddenly starts to add up to a whole lot of weeks of diabetes supplies!

As with any campaign like this, it works best when people share to help raise awareness of just how easy it is to be a part of it. AS well as making a donation, it would be terrific if as many people in the DOC could share details of the #IFLSecretSanta drive and encourage friends and family to donate.

I promise that no one is going to miss not getting a bath bomb. But people with diabetes, unable to access or afford essential diabetes meds and supplies, will be grateful if the money for that bath bomb was redirected to the charity that helps them.

Okay, DOC, now’s the time to do our thing. We do this and we do this well. While there are lots of people in this community and we certainly do not all agree, or even all like each other, it’s campaigns like this that seem like a good time to put aside differences and come together. Let’s see just what we can do to help Insulin for Life and their first #IFLSecretSanta campaign.

Donate here. (It will take you straight to PayPal to donate, and your donation will go directly to Insulin for Life.)

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Hashtag away on your preferred socials: #IFLSecretSanta

Emerging from lockdown

November 19, 2020 in Community, Diabetes, Family, Peer support, Real life | 3 comments

Every morning for the last few months, my husband has posted a Facebook update on Victoria’s COVID numbers, along with a cheery message of congrats and motivation for fellow Victorians, in particular Melburnians.

My beautiful city has emerged from a long winter, spent very much not only indoors, but also within a 5km confine of our homes. The lockdown that saw us absolutely smash our second wave of COVID-19 was tough, but clearly necessary to regain control of numbers that were starting to look very, very scary.

I struggled with a lot of what was going on during that time. I am so lucky that the cocoon in which I live felt safe and secure and happy, because there was a lot going on that was not like that.

I had to stop watching the daily pressers from our Premier, not because the numbers were too overwhelming, (although the days we peaked at 700 new cases a day were tough), but rather because the media’s approach to just how present the information became too difficult to watch.

I’d already been stressed with reporting of those of us deemed high risk. That sense that we were disposable and didn’t matter with the dismissive ‘It’s nothing unless you’re old and already sick’, was a recurring theme from the moment the pandemic started.

But now it was more than that. It was the relentless negativity that was being thrown at the Premier and the Chief Health Officer that became unbearable. I realised that once I could recognise the voices and knew the names of the Murdoch hacks that hijacked the daily updates with their attempted gotcha-questions, that those who were meant to be reporting the news had become the news. I’m sure that’s not what journalists are meant to do.

Our whole state was desperately trying to understand just what was going on and how safe or at risk we were, but the loudest corners of the media seemed more focused on trying to bait politicians into admitting that they are the devil.

The same went for the way that opposition politicians who instead of being voices of support for their constituents, hampered, undermined and outright sabotaged the public health efforts that were clearly working.

This constant stream of negativity was impacting my mental health more than any curfew, needing to wear a mask, or limit to being permitted out of the house.

I also had to turn away and stop engaging completely with COVIDIOTS and conspiracy theorists who were outdoing each other with their stupidity. I still am incredulous that ‘anti-maskers’ is a thing. Except I’m not, because most of them are also anti-vaxers, and I’m pretty sure there is a direct correlation between the two. And so, I started using the mute function deliberately. Words, phrases and people that fed my anxieties because of their fear mongering were suddenly silent, and amazingly, I saw how much better I started to feel.

What I realised is that it comes down to this: in times when things are difficult and overwhelming, the fuel that keeps us going is not anger and negativity.

I am an annoyingly positive person by nature. It drives people around me nuts sometimes as I try to find the upbeat spin to pretty much everything. It wasn’t always easy during our long lockdown, but I tried.

Those daily number updates from my husband were really not about the numbers – most mornings I’d fed him the stats because I was the one tuned to Twitter until the DHHS daily update. It was the way he was sharing the news. I turned to him one morning and said ‘You’re like a cheer squad for Victoria. It’s lovely!’ I wasn’t the only one. Many people commented on how they waited for his injection of sunshine to get their day started.

Luckily for Aaron, he wasn’t the only person I was relying on for that positivity. On days where worries about diabetes-ing during a pandemic were creeping into my mind, I turned to friends in the diabetes community – both IRL and online. But again, I got smarter about how I did that. I completely isolated myself from whole corners of the DOC – again using mute – and found that my new curated DOC provided a source of support, entertainment and decent information. It’s amazing how much nicer one’s feed is without the passive aggressiveness and sub-tweeting that is just so common. (And yes, that last sentence could be considered an example of said shitty behaviour!)

The message group of my squad of four diabetes friends in particular lightened the load considerably, and helped talk me down from ledges of feeling scared and overwhelmed, with a mixture of reassuring messages, updates from their parts of the world, goofy animal pictures, sweary-ness and general inappropriateness, and a level of understanding that helped me breathe freely again.

I wonder what I’ll remember in years to come when I think back to 2020. I don’t think it will be the crappy media and sabotaging politicians. I know it probably won’t be diabetes because apart from occasionally heightened anxiety about the intersection of diabetes and COVID-19, my diabetes was manageable.

I suspect it will be the people around me – both physically and virtually – who made this dark time a little brighter. It will be my tightknit bubble of family and friends. It will be those friends who sent ridiculous memes, and made me laugh. The friends who shared pics of what they were cooking or book recommendations or how they cleverly were keeping their kids entertained while distance learning was happening. It will be the people who reached out as soon as Melbourne went into lockdown to ask how we were coping.

And so, now as there is so much more light here in Melbourne (both literally and figuratively) I’m keeping all of this close. Who knows where this pandemic will take us, or if there is a third wave coming? But if there is, perhaps I’ll feel better prepared, and know what to do.