Yesterday, as I sat in the waiting room to see my endo, I couldn’t help but feel that I was walking into a wasted appointment. I had seen her about six weeks earlier and left with promises to myself of being more engaged with my diabetes care. I promised I would have my blood work done. I thought about goals and how I could work to achieve them.
And yet, there I was, waiting to go in and wondering what the hell I had to say to her. There would be no discussion of lab results. I haven’t gone to pathology to have the checks done. There wouldn’t be any pulling out of data for me to show her – I hadn’t been logging anything. I was pretty much in the same state of mind about my diabetes as I had been last time I sat waiting to go in to see her.
I was wasting her time and I felt really bad about it. Not that she would ever tell me that. In fact, not that she would even be thinking that. But it’s how I felt. I have such respect for this endocrinologist, and I felt that in some ways I was actually being disrespectful in showing up so unprepared.
There were no tears yesterday. But there was an honest and open admission from me that I need help. I have tried everything I know to try and pull myself out of the motivation slump I have been in for so long. There are been periods where things seem to be better and I am able to make more of an effort, but they are fleeting and before long, I am back to feeling burnt out.
Let me be clear – I am not completely ignoring my diabetes. I am bolusing insulin at all the appropriate times; I check my blood sugar, albeit nowhere near as much as I know I need to – or that I would like to; I have started seeing my endo again. I eat well. At no time has diabetes completely fallen off the radar. But it certainly has deviated from being as much of a focus as I would like.
It’s not the mechanics of diabetes that is the problem. It is the trouble-shooting and problem solving and thinking about diabetes in a way that makes me feel confident that I am dealing with my health and wellbeing as much as my blood sugars. But I’m not doing that. I’m in a fog of burnout from which I now know I am unable to emerge without some real help.
I can pinpoint the source of the burnout; I can trace its progression; I can see why it happened. I understand all of that. I understand that dealing with the loss of our baby following a miscarriage and all the things that happened around it were often all I could deal with – both at the time and for periods since then too. But even though I have words to explain how this has happened, I don’t have actions to get me out of it.
I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything I could think of – all the techniques that have worked in the past. But I suspect that the combination of grief and the longevity of this burnout have resulted in me simply not being able to fix it alone. I need help.
I also believe that tied up in all of this is the way that I am feeling about my body and its failings. Because I do feel I have failed. Or at least my body failed me – again – when I miscarried. I really did think that I was ‘over’ it and was moving on, but not a day goes by where I don’t, in some way, feel sad and broken about it. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. Again, I need help.
So, I asked for a referral to someone who can help me work though things – someone to help with strategies. I have been in therapy before; I know that it will help. It’s not a quick fix – I know that too.
I am trying to be all Pollyanna-ish about this and make grand ‘the first step is the hardest’ statements. And I am being positive and saying that it is certainly a step in the right direction. It’s going to take time. It’s going to take effort. Perhaps I am ready for that now. I know I certainly haven’t been to date. But maybe – hopefully – I am now.
12 comments
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May 5, 2015 at 2:18 pm
Gab
I am exactly where you are right now….I have days that I think I have worked through it then it hits me again…. I wish I could give you an answer but all I can say is you are not alone and thank you for your blogs as I now know I am not alone either
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May 5, 2015 at 2:22 pm
kelly2k
I’m proud of you for being honest with yourself and us and for seeking help.
I love you and I’m here for you.
Xo
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May 5, 2015 at 3:05 pm
Sue
I have been where you are, a long time ago. My heart breaks for you when you write about this stuff.
I believe there are miscarriage peer support groups in the capital cities and I wonder if you have located one. Its great that you felt ready to ask for the referral, all the best.
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May 5, 2015 at 3:55 pm
pam oka
I for one am not surprised you feel burnt out. Just managing each day with “diabetes” as a permanent backdrop is tiring and does get you down. Im constantly assessing what I eat, my exercise, my weight (stubbornly too high) without having to deal with your recent heartbreak. I am sometimes envious that others dont have to worry about such issues. Nor are they even aware that I do!
Even though I do love reading your blogs and find them refreshingly honest, I think that you, being so involved with the Diabetes work/community never have time off thinking about Diabetes. Its always, always on your mind. Thats exhausting!
You have many resources and supporters. I hope you can find your way. Good luck.
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May 5, 2015 at 5:54 pm
Cath Stephensen
Oh Renza! You bring a tear to my eyes. I so know where you’re at. I’m still recovering from an awful period in my life where I lost two family members, had two more diagnosed with life-threatening illnesses, had a relationship break-up and lost my job all within a 3 year period. It’s 3 years on from that time and I still trudge through the daily routines and beat myself up for loosing all that drive to ‘conquer’ my diabetes I used to have. There’s no simple answers. The upshot is that I’m a bit kinder and bit more forgiving of myself these days and I make a bit more time for the ones I love. Be kind to yourself. Drink Tea, talk to the birds, walk the dog, breathe. Hugs & Kisses.
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May 5, 2015 at 6:32 pm
missjengrieves
A very moving and brave post. I hope that the honesty will afford you the support and help you deserve to get through this tough spot. You are not alone, that we know for sure. Take care of yourself xx
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May 5, 2015 at 9:27 pm
Lyn Curtis
Renza
You are such a great inspiration to those around you and you give many people with diabetes great hope and positive reinforcement . I know you will find the strength to overcome and remain strong for yourself and for the others who rely on you. It is important to reach out for help when you need it. Take care.
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May 5, 2015 at 10:41 pm
kirstenmclean
Hi Renza, thanks for posting about this: and another one adding that you are not alone. It’s not that I don’t care, but that I am tired. People don’t realise how much work this condition is everyday. If I can eat OK, bolus and remember to change my sites, that’s enough for now. The rest will have to wait until I am less tired. Look after yourself – it is great you are reaching out for help and I hope that brings you some of the comfort you bring the rest of us with your blog posts 🙂
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May 5, 2015 at 11:39 pm
Karen
I think you are incredibly brave to take this step. And to share it with us. Thank you for helping others who are, or may some day be, going through something similar.
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May 6, 2015 at 12:52 am
SimpleLivingOver50
It’s all about taking baby steps. Eat one good healthy meal per day to start and force yourself to take just a small 20 minutes low paced walk. sometimes getting out in the sunshine makes us feel so much better along with just a touch of exercise. It can be so frustrating that we just don’t know where to start. You have to start with you and realize you are an incredible person.
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May 6, 2015 at 1:01 am
Jennifer
Thank you for your courage in sharing this – people need to know that it’s okay (actually, it’s way more than okay) to seek help and support when they need it. In helping yourself, and sharing your story, you are helping others too.
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May 18, 2015 at 11:43 am
surfacefine
Love you Pal. xo
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