I’ve been interested to read a few things lately on Twitter about the DOC not being a particularly welcoming environment. I am both saddened and surprised to hear that some feel that way, because I have always found the community to be very, very supportive and welcoming. Perhaps I am fortunate, or perhaps I have just found – and engage with – people who are friendly and happy to embrace new people in the community.
I’m unsure if feeling unwelcome is because there is a sense that the community may be a little like a high school clique. There are people who have known each other many years in this space, so they have a comfortable and easy banter as they share stories and inside jokes. I know that when I started, I was worried about that, but anytime I tried to engage, I found nothing other than friendly responses.
When I first walked into the DOC playground a few years ago now, I was considering starting a blog after years of reading what others were saying about their lives with diabetes. I’d lurked around a few online platforms to see how people interacted and what people said.
Then, one day, I decided I would join a tweet chat, and I tentatively said ‘hello’ to the #DSMA world. The rest is history and now I am a regular contributor and participant – both online and off – in the community.
But it did take me a while to understand the lay of the land and to get a handle on online communication. Trying to adequately put across a point in 140 characters or fewer leaves little room for qualifying comments, so often it’s only the bare bones that can be offered. This can sometimes leave people feeling a little taken aback at the directness of discussions.
I am, by nature, very direct. I take the ‘tell-me-what-I-need-to-know-and-leave-it-at-that’ approach, so Twitter is a perfect platform for me. Say what I want and get out! But I know that sometimes, I come across as being very direct; some may even say confrontational. People who meet me after having only engaged on Twitter say they are surprised that I am a lot warmer in real life that online. (I never know whether to apologise or say thanks to that…)
I had to learn that just because people had differing opinions didn’t mean that they were attacking me, or that I wasn’t welcome in the discussion. In fact, some of the people I respect most in this community are people who I don’t usually agree with. They challenge me to think about things differently and to step out of my comfort zone. I’ve engaged in some really robust and heated discussions about different aspects of diabetes. As long as it is done with respect, (and an understanding that an opposing opinion isn’t a character flaw!), I’m happy to not agree.
And, possibly most importantly, I learnt that I didn’t need to love everyone in the community. I’ve written about that before, and how it came as a huge relief when I realised that I wasn’t going to be friends with everyone; there would be some people I just didn’t really feel any connection to – just as there are many who don’t gel with me.
The DOC is a big community; there are many of us. And when there is a community, there will always be people who are more vocal and more active. But they are not the only people in the community. It really does come down to finding people where there is some sort of synergy, or some way to connect. Just like in real life!
So what’s the take away from this? I hate for people to feel that they can’t be part of the community because they have a different view to others. I have not come across another person in the DOC who I agree with all the time. But equally, I’ve not ever had someone attack me for having a different opinion to them. (Trolls excluded in that last comment, because trolling is attacking and just not necessary.)
I guess the struggle is that when you have a lot of very passionate people given a microphone and a stage, we get very, very worked up at times and defend our position fervently, challenging those who don’t agree, building alliances with those who do. We can be a vocal bunch, we like to be heard and listened to, and we want to defend, defend, defend what we say. I am guilty – if that is the right word – of being and doing all these things.
But I genuinely do want to hear from everyone. I don’t have to agree, or even like, what you are saying, but I want to hear it. Any community is stronger with diversity of opinion, experience and outlook. And the community is weaker when people do not feel that they are free to share their thoughts.
10 comments
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August 16, 2016 at 4:15 pm
phillybuzzter
An interesting and thoughtful post. I think people often forget that an activist community isn’t necessarily a bunch of friends. Just because everyone has diabetes doesn’t mean they’ll get on.
I know that in some realms of the diabetic community, the appearance of a clique stands out more strongly than in others (and Twitter and Facebook are two that I’ve found to be less bad in that respect).
I wonder how much of it also comes down to your favourite subject, language? Given the limits on conversation imposed by 140 characters, that also has to play a part.
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August 16, 2016 at 7:30 pm
Frank
I echo your sentiment…I have felt very welcomed in the past year or so, and you were in fact one of the first people who reached out to me. I had absolutely no issues there.
For me personally, one of the hardest things to accept is that not everyone is going to agree with me. I constantly try to remind myself that we are all different and naturally won’t agree on everything, but it’s still hard. I guess I find it hard to separate the difference of opinion with a dislike for my character. Silly, I know…
There have been some issues circulating around that individuals have really strong opinions about. Diabetes Access Matters and LCHF diets, to name two. Sometimes as a witness to these intense discussions and advocacy, I do feel hesitant to jump in with an alternate opinion for fear of being attacked/banished from a community I genuinely do love.
Social media only gives us a really small window into a person. I know for me, even just meeting a small group of peers in Sydney has given me a lot of perspective in regards to the person with diabetes vs the Twitter window. It was a really valuable experience that carries me forward in my online activity to this day.
Renza, I think that you do set a great example in regards to the use of diabetes social media. I hope that my peers would feel I am respectful towards other opinions, even if I don’t agree all the time. Reading this does put my mind at ease. Well written, as always.
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August 16, 2016 at 7:36 pm
RenzaS
I love this comment, Frank. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
I think that there will always be people who are very passionate and defensive about their viewpoint. And that’s okay as long as they don’t make those who don’t agree feel belittled or as though their thoughts are not valued.
And no – not silly at all to say that you worry if people don’t agree with you. We all want to be liked! (I know not everyone agrees with me and it took me a long time to realise that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like me.)
Thanks again for reading and commenting. I hope you DO say what’s on your mind and offer opposing thoughts. You are always thoughtful and provide insight that is valuable.
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August 17, 2016 at 4:47 am
Phyllis
I have been part of the DOC for a little over a year, despite having T1D for 42 years – late to the party. I have felt very welcomed from the start. Though you get out of it what you put into it too!
I have learned through observation, a lot. There are some topics I stay clear away from as I have different view points and have felt that an online conversation isn’t the best place to express a difference of opinion – not across the board, only for some topics.
I am grateful for the connections to others that I wouldn’t have otherwise made.
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August 17, 2016 at 10:45 am
Bec
Thanks for this Renza. I’ve been in the DOC blogging world for a few years now, but am very new to twitter. It’s amazing how much support is offered there and I feel very lucky to have been told about it. I think it’s wonderful to be passionate, but I think we can be passionate without disregarding or trampling on the equally valuable views of others.
I am guilty of not talking about some of the big topics (LCHF for instance) to avoid the backlash at not having what I think is the most popular opinion. But I think the best thing to do is engage in these discussions so we can get better at being kind and fair to one another.
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August 17, 2016 at 1:16 pm
Rick Phillips
I certainly had no standing in this community outside fo TUDiabetes when I got started. 99% of the people have been so welcoming. I do ignore the 1% who are not. I have no real complaints.
Now, I do think we have issues of diversity sex (most are female), type (most are type 1), and age (most are less than 40). I think we have many advantages but of course we can do better.
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August 17, 2016 at 7:41 pm
Zo
I had to turn away from it, it was the best decision I ever made. My control has always been good, now I keep contact with about three people of the doc I was involved with.
Sadly the experiences I’ve had, I wouldn’t recommend the doc to others anymore.
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August 18, 2016 at 4:06 am
rachelzinmanyoga
I love this article. I joined the DOC nearly two years ago. Its been incredible and also intense. Watching people in facebook groups go at each other, even being banned myself at one point for posting a personal blog when i shouldn’t have. It’s humbled me but its also made me a bit tentative about sharing how I manage my diabetes. Also sometimes being LADA and maybe not taking as much insulin as everyone else I can find myself feeling like a fake or not savvy enough with all the tech. But in the end I feel a connection with people in a way I can’t with my family and friends. It runs deep and helps me so much.
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August 19, 2016 at 10:02 am
Self-Reflection: Is Low Carb Worth It? |
[…] can imagine, I didn’t last very long in those groups. All of this happened well before I read Renza’s blog post about feeling welcome in the DOC. There was a distinct lack of welcoming other’s viewpoints […]
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August 25, 2016 at 6:18 am
adiabeticabroad
I participated in the DOC by blogging during what felt like “the early days”– I was still in my teens and it felt like like a welcoming community then. I just started participating again recently (7 years later) and it still feels that way to me. Regardless of the community, there will always be disagreement. I think that’s just a fact of life. At the end of the day, differing opinions enrich the experience and, if handled respectfully, can create a really interesting dialogue. Of course, I think it’s also important to know when to say (to quote Amy Poehler) “Good for you, not for me” and check out of the conversation.
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