The day after I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was sent to see a dietitian. It was over 16 years ago and yet I can still remember so much in such clear detail. ‘You need to eat this amount of carbs,’ she told me, throwing down a rubber food model of what was meant to represent mashed potato, but really looked like a fake vomit toy that you might find in a novelty show bag. ‘In a year?’ I asked her incredulously, calculating that there would have been the equivalent of at least four huge potatoes in the model. ‘No. Each meal.’ She said.
This was pre-DAFNE, pre-Lantus and, for me, pre-pump. But despite understanding that I was going to need to make some changes to the way that I was eating, I was also sensible enough to know that there was no way that I could eat that quantity of anything in one sitting.
‘Well, you have to!’ She said. As you can imagine, I really wasn’t enjoying where this consultation was going. ‘You’re taking insulin and you need to eat that much carbohydrate.’
‘Okay. Perhaps I could take less insulin then so I wouldn’t have to eat as much?’ I asked. She looked at me as though I was stupid.
After three years of living with diabetes – trying to manage force-feeding myself enough carbs to not hypo – I started using a pump. There were many reasons behind this and one of them was that I craved the spontaneity and flexibility that I seemed to have lost since being diagnosed. I was sick of having to eat what seemed the equivalent of a loaf of bread every time I sat down to eat. I was sick of having to eat snacks of carbs in between each meal of carbs. And I was sick of drinking corn-flour milk before bed to avoid a crashing hypo, or waking ridiculously high, which was pretty much all that Protophane could manage.
A week or so into using my pump, I remember feeling slightly weird. ‘What’s that feeling? I must be low.’ Nope – BGL check was fine. I couldn’t work out what it was.
And then I realised. It was hunger. I’d not felt hungry for three years because I had been eating to the clock. My body never had time to actually feel like I wanted or needed to eat.
Today, I eat as many or as few carbs as I want. There are days where barely a carb would pass my lips. And then there are days that end with a late night piece of cheesecake and Italian hot chocolate. I simply bolus (or don’t) as required for whatever I feel like eating.
Many people within the diabetes community are huge advocates for low carb eating believing that such diets provide more stable BGLs. I concur with that – the days that I eat sashimi for lunch and a low carb meal for dinner generally result in a level graph on my CGM with few spikes – and fewer dips too. But I am not committed enough to dedicate myself to a purely low carb existence.
Perhaps it’s because I don’t want to simply replace the inflexibility of needing to eat carbs with the inflexibility of never eating carbs. I love food too much to subscribe to any plan that does not allow me to eat whatever I want. Such as doughnuts! Nutella doughnuts need to feature whenever I feel like it. Buon appetite!
10 comments
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August 21, 2014 at 3:20 pm
andrealimbourg
Although I figured out my own version of carb counting early on, I also fed my insulin a lot before going on a pump. I remember so distinctly the first time I felt hunger after I started pumping. It made me so happy I didn’t want to eat. 🙂
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September 4, 2014 at 11:21 am
RenzaS
Thanks for your comment, Andrea. The feeding insulin thing used to drive me nuts!!
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August 21, 2014 at 5:54 pm
kevinruess
I hear you about the desire for flexibility. I knew about low carb dieting 7 years into diabetes (now 18). Not only could I not figure out to make it work, I also wanted that flexibility. Now, perhaps as I’m getting older, I just want to feel good – consistently, and thus am willing to make the tradeoff (with admittedly a cheat every so often). Nonetheless I commend you for being aware of what it is you really want right now and what’s important for you – that flexibility. The lack of it it is certainly one of the major drawbacks of low carbing.
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September 4, 2014 at 11:22 am
RenzaS
I think that when it comes to my diabetes management, flexibility – and choice – are essential. I know that I have no willpower and can’t stick to anything for more than a couple of days. Being able to adapt and adjust works for me – as best as things can with diabetes. Thanks for reading, Kevin.
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August 21, 2014 at 6:21 pm
Rosie walker
Hi Renza
Another succinct blog post & really evocative of how things have changed for the better in some ways, I’ve heard any people say about the weird pleasure of being hungry once they are ‘allowed’ to be flexible & also the freedom of choosing what & when to eat after ditching ‘eat to insulin’ regimens. Let’s hear it for more of this!
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September 4, 2014 at 11:22 am
RenzaS
Thank you for your lovely comment, Rosie.
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August 22, 2014 at 12:47 am
Jodie lester
Renz, great post but I really need to know where I can get Nutella donuts????
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September 4, 2014 at 11:23 am
RenzaS
Always with the hard-hitting questions, Jode! DOC Espresso (Lygon Street) does them. I think Brunetti does too. Meet me there?
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August 22, 2014 at 8:12 am
arianastuart
Amazing…. this captures exactly why I went on the pump… diagnosed at two, and after 26 years of injecting and feeding the insuline (by stuffing carbs into myself.).. I finally know what hunger feels like! Having the flexibility to choose…absolutely priceless.
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September 4, 2014 at 11:23 am
RenzaS
Thanks for your comment, Ariana. And I agree – flexibility to choose is king!
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