I don’t know when it was that I decided that I wasn’t fighting diabetes anymore. Maybe it had something to do with paying more attention to language and words, or maybe it was just accepting that no matter what the strategy, no matter how much I fight, diabetes is there.
Everywhere I turn in the diabetes world, I see words that invoke battle. It is, quite frankly, exhausting. We use terms like warrior, fighter and army and challenger. We are urged to fight the good fight and battle to beat everything diabetes throws at us.
But if this is a war, I was enlisted with no option of being a conscientious objector. I feel defeated a lot of the time because no matter how much I fight, diabetes is still here, coming at me. An in range A1c, or high percentage TIR, or screening check that comes back with ‘no changes’ doesn’t mean I’ve overcome diabetes. Diabetes remains, despite what the metrics say.
We’ve all read legends and seen enough movies to know that there are winners and losers in battles and wars. And understand the good guys are meant to win. But there is no defeating diabetes. It is always going to be there. Does that make me a loser? Does that make me the bad guy?
When I started to examine the militarised language in diabetes, I realised that those very words and ideas that I’m sure were meant to motivate ended up doing the exact opposite. How was it that despite all my efforts in the trenches – and my dogged, gritty determination – I still found myself just as challenged by diabetes as when the battle started? In fact, in some ways, I felt more challenged. I wasn’t advancing in ways that made me feel like I was heading to victory. Instead, it just felt like a static, never-ending, Groundhog Day of lather, rinse, repeat (or check, bolus, repeat).
Asking me to fight puts the responsibility – more responsibility – squarely on me and me alone. How unfair that rhetoric about diabetes requires more from us.
To be at war with diabetes is to be at war with myself. I can’t divorce myself from my diabetes – it is me and I am it. We are a tag team, a group package, a two-for-one deal. I don’t get a say in that, and no one else does either, no matter how much they implore me to fight.
It’s not a battle with diabetes that I need. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. It’s finding peace. That’s what I want to work towards – a peaceful existence that doesn’t add more burden.
Diabetogenic 
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January 7, 2023 at 5:20 am
John Grumitt
Thanks once again, Renza. Your tough words resonate.
I received my periodic blood results only this morning. My usually critical self report was “good in parts, well done but you could do better; improve, otherwise you might end up in trouble”.
A friend of mine, James Thullesson, recently published a humorous book called “School’s Out” comprising school report extracts from well known figures who have gone on to achieve notoriety despite severe criticism in their youth suggesting they will be useless at X, Y or Z. Very funny and provocative.
Let’s be kind to ourselves and others, and get support when we need it, or perhaps beforehand!
Keep up the great work, Renza.
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January 7, 2023 at 10:18 am
Di Daley
So true Renza.
The only way I live with diabetes is following what my father used to say. “Yesterday is over, so forget it. Tomorrow hasn’t arrived so don’t worry about it. Live for today and accept what it gives you.”
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January 7, 2023 at 1:59 pm
Rick Phillips
Sure today, but find a complete cure? Hold on because I am throwing bombs and setting fires until I get it.
I really appreciate the great I hope you do not mind that I steal the war idea in a different community. If you do remember this is Rick’s wife writing. But i promise not to tell him I saw this. So you know if he talks about this it is totally random.
Hey I hope you are enjoying NYC. I love NYC.
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January 7, 2023 at 4:56 pm
tmlcp
Well said, Renza!
Somebody told me recently that people (like me) who were very seriously ill when they were finally diagnosed with T1, tend to have a more accepting attitude to their diabetes.
I certainly remember thinking, ‘Oh, thank goodness! What a relief! I thought I was going to die, but it’s only T1 – I can live with that.’
Apparently people who were diagnosed early, before they became really, really sick, have a much harder time accepting their T1.
I don’t know where or when this study was done, but it makes a lot of sense to me.
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January 7, 2023 at 5:36 pm
Scott K. Johnson
Really great points, Renza. It’s like how a new best run ever or reaching a goal A1c result feels like such a short-lived celebration because the realization that the pressure is on now to *maintain* sets in. There is no rest, right? Imagine a sprinter going all out to win the race, but then learning after crossing the finish line that she can never stop running!
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