A very smart friend I met through Twitter, and has become a treasured IRL friend, says that when publicly telling our diabetes stories we may have opened a window into our lives, but that doesn’t mean we need to open a door. We get to choose how we protect ourselves and who we let in.
I choose to leave the window open and have come to learn over the years that as more and more people walk by, more people see what is going on inside. I know I can shut the window and draw the blinds any time I choose, and I did that for a short time at the end of last year. But mostly it is very, very wide open.
But having an open window to glance into doesn’t give anyone the right to yell that they don’t like what you see through the window, especially if I don’t ask. And certainly make sure that you have a good look and understand what you are seeing before you start to tell me that I am wrong about my decorating choices.
My window is on one side of the street. You can cross the road to avoid looking in. Or you can walk by, but not stop for a chat.
I choose what it looks like inside my window. I choose where the furniture goes, how it looks and feels. I live in it the way that works for me. I’m not a professional window dresser or decorator, just someone who knows what looks and feels good to me. I have never given decorating advice because I am not a professional decorator. Just a person living in this room that can be seen through that open window.
This blog is my open window. I welcome anyone who wants to peek inside. No one has to be here, but they’re welcome if they want to be. Some people might have a quick look and decide that it is all a little too frivolous or boring. They may think the things I get worked up about are a waste of time and that there are far better things to spend energy on. They may think it’s all naval grazing. They may think there are far too many pink stripes. That’s okay. It probably is a bit of each of those things, but it works for me. I sometimes write my thoughts on things in the broader diabetes world – and that may not be your take. That’s okay, too. We don’t need to agree on everything. I’m here, narrating my diabetes and how that intersects with the rest of my life, the world around me, the people I love.
Sometimes, I do that with great vulnerability. I share stories that are painfully personal and sometimes very raw. I try to infuse humour in there because sometimes, living with diabetes hurts so, so much that I need to break that up with something amusing.
I write about those sensitive topics, as well as more general day-to-day subjects, and that is not a decision I make lightly. I do it for selfish reasons – I hope that by telling my story I might just find someone who has a similar experience who can share their wisdom with, and help, me. Another reason is that I don’t want anyone to feel the loneliness and isolation I have felt at times. Diabetes can be lonely. Diabetes on top of other really tough things, such as infertility and pregnancy loss, parenting, mental illness, distress, diabetes-related complications can feel isolating.
If you don’t like what you see in here, that’s perfectly okay. If I have said something factually incorrect, I would really like to know about it so I can correct it. You can tell me about typos (I know there are many) and eventually, I may get around to fixing them. If I have upset you, I would love to understand why and welcome that discussion if you’re comfortable doing that. You can leave a comment – anonymously if you would like – sharing your thoughts.
But don’t ever tell me that I need to change what you read here because you don’t like what you see. Don’t tell me that I need to moderate what I say, or the tone in which I choose to say it. I have chosen to open the window into my diabetes life. But I have not ever chosen to be told how to live that life.

Outside looking in.
4 comments
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February 4, 2020 at 9:55 pm
Colleen
I’m glad I stopped by this morning.
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February 5, 2020 at 1:18 am
Colleen Goos
Having diabetes is also having the need to learn to live with every raw feeling out there. I used to always paint a smile and say it’s not that bad. However no matter how far technology has come, insulin is still life support and so many people in the world don’t have access to it. I think every emotion felt is valid.
I get angry that I have this because it has emotionally, physically, and financially robbed me for 36 years.
I feel guilty because I want better for myself when so many still have no access to viable treatment.
At the same time I get angry that people are dying from diabetes because of no access to viable treatments.
I have a sense of humor about diabetes and a need to be teach about it to those willing to listen. Never will I degrade a person with Type 2 through these as I know no type is directly caused by sugar or fat.
We can aknowledge the different types without blame and shame.
I think I am far more empathetic to others in my own quiet way. I’ve been told that I have the ability to listen to others and weigh my responses.
I have almost no memory of how not having diabetes affected me. I think both personality and diabetes contribute to how I treat others.
Everyone has a story and something they are battling in private and they have the right to close their window or open it. It’s not my job or desire to tell anyone how they should feel about their struggles. To them whatever it may be is is affecting their world and life.
I am practical about a life occurrences. Diabetes gave me the skills necessary to administer injections and other care to my daughter after she was hit by a car at 50 MPH. She was able to come home far earlier after being taken off life support than most because of my ability to compartmentalize between my emotions and what she needed physically.
Her doctors expressed this was better for her than staying in a hospital bed for weeks. She made a full recovery. I told my Dad that that was the first time I felt grateful for diabetes in and of itself.
I still feel angry about having it though. It still takes more than it gives physically, emotionally and monetarily. Nobody has the ability to change that.
Do I think it could be worse? Yes and no.
I have experienced 3 comas, come within minutes of death, heard an E.R. doctor tell my partner at the time I had 15 minutes before death as I went under.
I have lost one child to miscarriage and DKA due to my diabetes.
At the same time I know people die from other illnesses or accidents. These are just as terrifying as diabetes.
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February 5, 2020 at 7:09 am
Monica Westley PhD
Beautifully written. Thank you for letting the world in on your journey with this relentless disease.
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February 5, 2020 at 11:44 am
Rick Phillips
It is so funny to read this. A few months ago I a person who had read one my old blogs (about 4 years old) about a pump I really liked. This gentleman began besieging me with comments about how much he hated the pump. I posted the first one and ignored 5-8 others. ll saying the same thing with more and more negative words.
Then he started posting the same comments under different names. Eventually he he racked up about 30 comments with tow published.
I wrote him and said look I get it, if you want to write one that is different that does not call me awful names and accuse my mother of some unspeakable activities.
He was so angry he demanded to speak to my sponsor to get me fired. I gave hm a made up email address and told him I was sure the boss would hear him out. Then of course i blocked him. Perfect. But I hope i never need that yahoo address for anything. I bet he is really angry by now,
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