How often do you think about diabetes in a day? In an hour?

On those days that I think of diabetes about once an hour (when awake), I know that I’m doing okay. That may seem a lot, but it could be because I’m checking my BGL, bolusing for something I’m eating, doing a line change, thinking about eating something, making something to eat, about to drink a coffee with added sugar.  It could be when I am getting dressed in the morning and remembering to reconnect my pump or pulling my pump out from my bra to check my CGM.

Sometimes they are passive thoughts, other times deliberate and actioned.

When this is my activity level, I know that I’m tracking okay.

But when I go for a few (say 4 or 5) hours or even a whole day without thinking about diabetes, I know I’m not tracking quite so well. On those days, I don’t check my BGLs, I don’t check what my CGM is telling me (maybe because I’ve not got a sensor in, maybe because I just can’t be bothered), I may not be eating particularly well or at all, so don’t bother bolusing. Sure, I passively thought about diabetes when I stepped out of the shower that morning and reconnected my pump, and perhaps I blind bolused for the sushi roll that made up lunch, but that could be my entire day of diabetes ‘chores’.

And equally, if I’m thinking about it more than once an hour, I know that something is not quite right. It could be that I’m high and trying to manage that by checking my BGL every 10 minutes hoping for a drop – even a teeny tiny drop – in numbers. At the same time, I’m anxiously trying to walk the tightrope that is enough insulin to bring me down from the hyper ledge, but not rage bolus and send me crashing. I’ll probably be starving, so I’ll be thinking about food and calculating carbs and making deals with myself as to what my BGL has to get to before I can eat.

Or, I could be low and trying to deal with the pounding heart rate that is a doof-doof reminder of my hypo-state. Probably over-eating, I’ll be checking my BGL every five minutes, looking for an upward trend in my numbers.

Either way – high or low – I’ll be thinking food, numbers, hoping for balance, worrying about over-treating, over-medicating.

It’s such a fine line.

Too much…

Too little…

Just right.