Hypo Boy (AKA Spike Beecroft) is back with what I hope will be his first of many 2014 posts for Diabetogenic. Here, he shares some of his hypo stories. Thanks mate!

Hypos, like taxes, Christmas and birthdays happen. You can try hard to avoid them but eventually the sneaky buggers find you out and drop you to the floor, slug you for dollars, make you have to suffer the indignity of shopping or remind you that your age-growth may have out stripped your wisdom-growth. The main point is to keep calm and carry on.

Hypo Boy probably has had a slightly alarming number of hypos over his life time, but he’s not dead yet and he’s getting better at staying upright. Here he shares some of the funnier aspects of hypos.

Hypos affect your brain. What was once an instrument of sharpened surgical steel, able to slice through complex problems of logic may struggle with simple ideas. Such as the concept of a cupboard or door and the hypo fixes that live behind them.

Hypo Boy (HB): I need the stuff that’s in the thing…. You know the thing (mime show of cupboard door opening).

Better Half (BH): You what?

HB: I need the stuff that helps me. It’s in the packet in the place with the thing (more miming).

BH: Are you okay? Hypo Boy you’re really low, aren’t you?

HB: That’s what I’m telling you! I need the stuff that helps me. It’s in the place with the thing (more miming).

BH: Okay, you’re really low Hypo Boy. Now tell me where your snakes are.

HB: (exasperated) In the place with the thing. I can’t remember what it’s called but it goes like this (mime) and looks like that (points to door). But it’s smaller.

BH: Just wait here. I’ll look in the cupboard and see what’s there that might help.

HB: Cupboard! That’s it! The snakes are in the cupboard!

Even if the surgical steel is only moderately rusted it still might not quite hit the mark.

BH: (on waking to hear HB in the kitchen) What are you doing Hypo Boy?

HB: I’m low. I’m just getting something to eat.

BH: (turning the lights on in the kitchen) What are you doing?

HB: I’m low. I’m just getting something to eat, then I’ll come back to bed.

BH: Is roast beef good for hypos? (Hypo boy was busy carving and eating left over roast beef. It was delicious in his defence.)

Hypos can also impact those around you. While that may seem obvious, occasionally you do get an odd ball one. For a long time while dating a young women, Hypo Boy had fallen into a disturbing routine during moments of intimacy:

i) Amorous activities (details withheld to maintain the mystery and allure);

ii) Hypo;

iii) Amorous-activity-interruptus walk to 24-hour Coles for hypo fix; return home for fix and talk before….

iv) Return to complete point (i)

After a while, point (ii) began to interrupt point (i) too much. Hypo Boy made some dose adjustments without informing his partner, so that when they started on point (i), he managed to skip points (ii) and (iii). Hypo Boy was happy, and if he was a bit more Gallic would have lit up a cigarette.

Hypo Boy’s partner, rather than being happy about the new arrangement, started to question why.

‘Wasn’t I energetic enough? Do we need to do something different? Why didn’t I give you a hypo with my young, fit, flexible and nubile body?’ (Some dialogue may have been adjusted for writer’s own benefit.)

Hypo Boy learnt a number of lessons that night:

(a) Let people around you know when you’re making dosage adjustments. It’s helpful if they know there could be a reason for a change in routine.

(b) DO NOT laugh at a young woman who is questioning her performance. She might not let you play with her toys for a while.

Sound advice, Hypo Boy, sound advice. Sometimes you just gotta laugh. Do you have any amusing hypo stories to share?