I am writing this quickly and won’t be editing it. Because when I stop and think about this I freak out and then want to curl up in a ball in a dark room. I don’t want to verbalise it, I don’t want to think about it. So, I apologise in advance for the typos, the grammatical errors and (Heaven-forbid!) the punctuation problems.
What I want to say is this: I am beyond terrified that my daughter will develop type 1 diabetes. It keeps me awake at night; it gives me nightmares in the day whilst I’m awake. I feel guilt for this thing that may happen. May never happen. But may happen. May. Happen.
I know a lot of women with diabetes who have children. Beautiful, smart, wonderful, fabulous, bright, gorgeous children. And I know statistics. And I know that possibly sooner or later one of our children may be diagnosed with type 1. Some of us speak about it regularly. Others keep it hidden –as if putting thoughts into words will make them come true.
For me, I continue to watch in wonder and amazement as the miracle I know as my daughter continues to grow and grow. But the moments where I think she has visited the bathroom an extra time, or is asking for a drink of water ‘because I’m soooo thirsty, mummy!’ will continue to terrify and paralyse me. And I will continue to fight the urge to do a quick finger prick check – something I’ve only done four times in her nearly-seven years.
For the first time I am starting to ask myself what it is that I fear. Of course, I don’t want her to develop diabetes, but if she did, we would deal with that. It wouldn’t be easy, it wouldn’t be fun. But we’d work through it and aim to surround ourselves with the best health professionals, the best treatment, the most information possible and peer networks to help us through.
I think the thing that I struggle with is how I will start to feel about myself.
Whilst I was pregnant, I worried about what my diabetes was doing to her as she developed from a pea to a person – even with an HbA1c of under 6.5% for the whole pregnancy.
And then when she was delivered amongst the euphoria of meeting my beautiful daughter, I wept with guilt as her heel was pricked repeatedly to check her blood sugar levels. An hour after she was delivered, her BGL plummeted and she was whisked away from me and taken to the Special Care Nursery where the paediatritian tried and tried and tried again to get an IV line into her. An hour into being a father, Aaron was doing all he could to not grab his precious newborn baby and protect her from the pain she was obviously feeling. Her wails could be heard throughout the Nursery. He told me about this weeks after her delivery – he knew the anguish and heart break I would feel.
And this was because her mother has diabetes. Mother guilt starts early with diabetes.
How do we move on from this? How do we be kind to ourselves about what may happen? How do we rationalise that we cannot be held to blame?
2 comments
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October 10, 2011 at 11:54 am
mairi-anne macartney
I dont have T1 but my daughter Tess does, the guilt is the same… did I do something wrong? was it all that junk food and treats I’d given her?, Could i have protected her in some way, was I a slack mum, I worked too hard and too long hours. I worked fulltime and put them in creche at 3 mths old… Guilt. How can I protect her now… she’s just starting her life. What about parties, and drinkging and driving and finding a loving pertner that will understand her T1, if she can have a child, if that child will get it.. The cycle must stop. Perhaops not a cure but a more manageable “prick free”type 1. No finger pricks and no needles….. thats my wish. I hope God grants it. xx
Thanks Renza…
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October 10, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Christine Brown
I know exactly how you feel Renza. My oldest son was born at 36 weeks with jaundice & very low bsl. As hard as it was seeing him in the special care unit, it was absolutely heartbreaking seeing the bruising and pinprick marks in his little feet. I think – no, I know that I was more distressed than him the whole 2 weeks that he was in there. There was one particular doctor that to me seemed to have no compassion when performing the heel pricks, and after nurses caught me bawling my eyes out in my bed, I explained why (the doctor) and he was immediately taken off my sons roster. Like you, I worry all the time if any of my 4 children will develop T1, but also know that if they do, then we will just have to make the best of it 😦
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