Scamabetes

Why does everyone want to cure diabetes? I mean, I think it would be GREAT if someone truly managed to cure it PROPERLY. But in lieu of that, everyone with internet access, a Canva account, and their finger on the pulse of the latest superfood (which, when said superfood is a legume it actually is a pulse), is out there busily curing diabetes with whatever snake oil concoction they can come up with. (At this point in time, I am going to take a MASSIVE diversion and say that Snake Oil is a thing and it is sold by a woman named Caroline Calloway who is a scammer and all that is wrong with the idea that we need ‘influencers’ in our life, and I would urge you to NOT pop her name into a Google search right now, lest you want to lose the next five hours of your life, and destroy a few brain cells while you are at it.)

Anyway, where was I? Yes, scam diabetes cures. Scamabetes cures.

Lucky for me, I get at least half a dozen diabetes cures delivered directly to my inbox each week. By lucky, I mean, I wish the fuckers would all leave me alone, but that’s not happening.

On days where I don’t get cures in my inbox, I get invitations to conferences that aren’t real, or asked to write for imaginary medical journals. The positive is that it makes me feel as though I am highly sought after, and people desperately want to hear from me. The negative is that they’re all a con, and that rather than thinking I’m somewhat brilliant, these scammers are hoping that I’m somewhat gullible. 

The scamming is real in the cure diabetes world, and it never ends. Just at the point where you think it’s been rather quiet in the dodgy-cure entrepreneur corner of the globe, there is suddenly a concerted effort to get you to drop some coin on a turmeric and kale chai teatox for the low monthly price of $39.99 plus tax. What have you got to lose?

How the fuck are we meant to navigate our way through it? Twenty-three years in and being a sceptic with a healthy dose of mistrust in strangers approaching me online asking for money and promising me the world has served me well. I start from a position of disbelieving pretty much everything, which has been super useful in the last two years if you think about the rubbish that people (looking at you Clive Palmer) have claimed to be cure-alls. When future Lin-Manuel Miranda writes a musical about the COVID years, there will be a song dedicated to Ivermectin, drinking bleach, and that weird light thing that Pete Evans was trying to sell us for a cool $15K, and a story of vax-crossed lovers where an AZ and Pfizer jabbed couple try to overcome their differences, succeeding only when they are both boosted with Moderna. 

Promises of diabetes cures prey on the vulnerable and the scared. It’s abusive and mean. If diabetes could easily be cured, WE ALL WOULD BE CURED, because I’m yet to meet anyone who wants to live with a lifelong chronic health condition, no matter how much they seem to have their shit together. 

If it were as simple as eating a cucumber (looking at you, whichever Kardashian made that outrageous claim), I’d be living on cucumber granola for breakfast, cucumber sandwiches for lunch and having a liquid dinner of cucumber mojitos, and snacking on cucumber dipped into tzatziki. All. Day. Long. And I bet everyone else with diabetes would be too, because even if we all got sick and tired of cucumbers by day three, it would still be a shedload better than dealing with diabetes. Wouldn’t it? Yes. Yes, it would.

In times where it is so easy to spread misinformation as gospel, people with diabetes are taxed with even more. On top of doing the task of one of our organs, do impressive maths calculations throughout the day, act as a multidisciplinary medical team for ourselves, employ some damn impressive detective techniques, and be the most efficient executive assistance in the known universe (all before lunchtime), we also need to sort through the constant stream of information, picking out the trash, and staying on heightened alert. Even though we would probably really like some of those pseudo-science promises to work…even just a little bit. 

As I was writing this today, my email pinged and there waiting for me was some ‘research’ (a term here used to mean ‘made up stuff’) suggesting that my diabetes could be cured by taking a daily supplement in a convenient, once-a-day tablet. But wait! There’s more. I could take advantage of the cyber-Monday special and get an extra 23% (random number) discount, if I locked in a twelve-month subscription contract. For the record, even with the discount, I’d be out of pocket for this scam product USD$647 per year. Each ‘film-coated’ tablet contains, cinnamomum cassia, garcinia gummi-gutta, chromium hexahydrate, zinc citrate, glutamine, gymnema sylvestre and citrus extract. 

I hit the unsubscribe button, blocked the sender. And instead of ordering that veritable shit salad of ingredients, decided that a better way to ingest citrus extract would be to make some lemon bars, and cinnamon via an apple cake. The rest of the stuff sounds made up and absolutely not likely to make my beta cells start making insulin again. 

And so, I donated some of the USD$647 I just saved my not getting swept up in this scam to Insulin for Life. Because you know what? The stuff IFL is giving to people with diabetes in under-resourced countries is something that really works and is really essential. And absolutely, completely and utterly not a scam.