So, this is 2020? How are you going? I returned from overseas to a country literally burning and choked in smoke; a government that is refusing to accept that climate change is real; and a news organisation making up the narrative to suit themselves (arsonists are everywhere, apparently).
Bet you didn’t expect me to get so political before midday on a Monday!
Today is my first day back at work after three weeks of holidays in New York with my family. We spent the time basically relocating our Melbourne life to New York: finding a favourite café that served decent coffee, drinking great quantities of said coffee, wandering the streets, playing with (other people’s) dogs, warming up in bookstores and catching up with friends. It was the perfect way to farewell 2019 and welcome 2020.
As I have mentioned a million times before, I don’t do resolutions. You may not know this, but I live with diabetes, and that in itself gives me enough reasons to not reach goals and targets. I don’t need to add another list of things of which to fall short.
For the last three years, I’ve chosen a word that I’ve hoped would oversee and direct my way of thinking and acting for the year. As it turns out, that was a load of rubbish. Because each time, as I searched for the word that I wanted to guide me, the one I settled on went against the very grain of who I am.
The words were pause, focus and reset – and behind them was the idea that I would respond in ways that were really out of character; words that would silence or calm my natural responses.
But that’s not me. I walk towards things (usually at pace), I’m impulsive, I’m reactive. Sure, these may not necessarily be the best traits for a mindful, calm existence, and they can be exhausting, but welcome to my life: Hi, I’m Renza.
This year, I’m ditching the word idea, and using a phrase that better suits me, and that phrase is Stand Up.
We are living in a world that does not need people to be silent. Manners are all very important, but it is very possible to have manners and be polite, but still challenge things that we see as not right. We don’t need to be told how to think, how to feel, how to respond to something that upsets us. We don’t need to tone police ourselves – or others. We don’t need to accept what we are given.
And in the diabetes space, we don’t need people to be meek and mild. We need people who are disrupters and who speak their minds and who call out the bullshit. We definitely need to make sure that the voice of PWD is the loudest in the room, and that anyone who tries, even for a second on any platform, to tell us to pipe down is called out for it.
We do not need people to go quietly, and I am somewhat horrified that I did just that at the end of last year when I was feeling intimidated and vulnerable online. If I’m honest, I don’t recognise the person who switched her Twitter to private and wrote this thread to explain it to the people who were asking why.
Being angry is okay because there is a lot to get angry about in diabetes care. Not standing up means that we accept the situation for how it is. We can do it in a way that is nice and friendly, but sometimes it takes more than that. And that is okay.
I have never cared about being popular in the DOC or being considered one of the cool kids. I have never worried about follower numbers. I searched for this community because I needed support and I needed to feel part of something amongst people who were just life me. Other people with diabetes.
When I re-read my twitter thread from before Xmas, my heart broke NOT at what had happened; but at how I felt that the only way for me to stop feeling so unsafe was to turn away from the community – MY community. It was this tweet that set my tears running again:
I thought that if I had wandered into the DOC for the first time instead of the welcoming place it was, I saw PWD being challenged, I would have run away. THAT was what broke my heart – the very idea that I would not have discovered people like Kerri, Georgie, Cherise, Melissa, Mike, Dana, Grumps, David, Manny, Jeff, Mel, Frank, Alanna, Kelly, Ashleigh, Scott, Annie, Alecia, Bastian, Daniela and so, so many others. I don’t know how I would have navigated the murky waters of life with diabetes without those people: MY people for whom diabetes actually invades our DNA and the DNA of our loved ones. People there for the right reasons – not for the accolades, not for increasing follower counts. They are community-minded, open to opposing ideas and thoughts, and don’t consider themselves superheroes.
If I had have gone quietly, I would never have learnt from them; never had the support of people who understand; never had people like that at my back when I do stand up.
So, I don’t go quietly ever again. I stand up as I always have. I accept that doing that will send me into periods of advocacy burnout; I’ll deal with that when it happens, surrounded my friends and peers who get it.
So yes, this is 2020. I’m back. It’s really nice to see you here.
13 comments
Comments feed for this article
January 20, 2020 at 11:57 am
Kerry Martin
Renza
Thank you, thank you, thank you ….I’ve missed you. We all need to stand up for things we believe in, which are not being addressed. Too many to list here!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2020 at 12:15 pm
RenzaS / Diabetogenic
We’ll get to them all, Kerry. One by one. Thanks for your comment.
LikeLike
January 20, 2020 at 12:17 pm
Kerri.
Fuck yeah.
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2020 at 12:19 pm
RenzaS / Diabetogenic
I love this comment. And you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 20, 2020 at 12:47 pm
Rick Phillips
Oh I see you found the almost famous by Robert Indiana. We have the original love here in Indiana. After all he did change his name to Robert Indiana. 🙂
I am glad you enjoyed your time in NYC, my favorite city ever.
I do happen to think your post is correct. Way to start the year.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 20, 2020 at 1:43 pm
RenzaS / Diabetogenic
Thanks Rick. The LOVE sculpture in NY isn’t there anymore, but we have seen it before. The HOPE one is super special to me…
LikeLike
January 20, 2020 at 12:57 pm
thelittlestarfish
Thank you for saying being angry is okay. I’m always told I need to love diabetes as I’m lucky to be alive- FFS, FO 🤣
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2020 at 1:44 pm
RenzaS / Diabetogenic
Oh, please. I don’t know anyone who loves diabetes! Be as angry (or happy) as you need to be. Thanks for your comment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 20, 2020 at 1:21 pm
Jenny Edge
Glad to see you back .Thank you for giving us a brief description of your holiday . Keep up being back It’s people like you who not only put issues to the fore and at the same time have us truly thinking and doing “diabetic stuff ” that those outside PWD group tend to dismiss. Love you Renza
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 20, 2020 at 1:44 pm
RenzaS / Diabetogenic
Thanks Jenny. What a lovely comment. x
LikeLike
January 20, 2020 at 3:47 pm
Rachel
Renza! You Rock big time. I also feel like 2020 is the year to Stand Up. My words funnily enough thought are ” its not up to me” But that doesn’t mean its not up to me to do everything I can to make a difference. Its more about accepting diabetes, accepting what life brings and trusting that everything will work out even when I am fearful or unsure. A lot of that has to do with community. Our community here in the diabetes world. My plan is to look to people like you for inspiration. Thank you for all you do and share!
LikeLiked by 2 people
January 20, 2020 at 3:48 pm
RenzaS / Diabetogenic
I love this comment. Thank you so much, Rachel. Your words make perfect sense!
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 21, 2020 at 6:30 am
kelly2k
BRAVA!
Stand up, speak loudly, ROAR.
LikeLiked by 1 person