Today is #dblogcheck day. The idea is to ‘check in’ by commenting on any diabetes blogs you read today. The hope is that by commenting, you’ll be reminding people that they are not alone. I love this idea! Thanks to Christopher Snider (@iam_spartacus). Look for the #dblogcheck tag to find some #dblogs to read. You may find a new favourite!
I make dozens of diabetes choices every day. From what I will eat, to the dose of insulin I take, to how many times I’ll check my BGLs, these are all choices that I make. Sometimes they are made with careful consideration. Other times, I barely give them a second thought.
But regardless, I stand by these decisions and their consequences – good or bad. Generally, the outcomes impact me and me alone: too little insulin, a BGL of 20mmol/l means I guzzle water, rage bolus and feel like crap until I get back in range; too much insulin, a low that is usually managed with a juice or a handful of jelly beans. Most of time, I manage to ‘fix the damage’ and move on without involvement of anyone else.
But sometimes, that’s not how it pans out.
One of the burdens of diabetes is how it affects those around us. On the rare occasions I need assistance I experience incredible guilt afterwards. I know I shouldn’t, and I’m never made to feel guilty, but it is how I feel.
I have never heard anyone in my family complain or even comment on their role in my diabetes. I know that doesn’t mean that they don’t get pissed off by my AWOL beta cells (being woken up in the middle of the night and then having to get up to grab me a juice or put on some toast is, whilst a rare occurrence, certainly not fun for my husband), but I never hear complaining.
To date, my daughter’s involvement has been minimal. There have been a handful of times, perhaps, when I have asked her to grab me my lolly jar. For her, I suspect the biggest inconvenience is having to explain to her friends why said lolly jar is out of bounds for their grabby (grubby?) fingers, and the times where we’ve had to briefly postpone whatever we’re about to do as I wait for my BGLs to come up to a safer level.
Last year, when a friend needed to call an ambulance after a particularly nasty hypo, I worried for a long time (I still do!) about how she would feel about my diabetes. For a while, it felt that she was watching me very closely every time we went out to make sure that I wasn’t going to collapse on her again.
I can’t imagine how scary it would have been to have me suddenly pass out. She did such a sterling job of managing this situation (right down to warning the paramedic that I was going to be seriously annoyed when I ‘came to’ and start asking a million questions), and I couldn’t have asked for a more sensible or thoughtful person to have around for this. But still – I worry that it was a choice I made (or didn’t) that resulted in her having to take an active role in dealing with my diabetes. She didn’t sign up for that when she and I became friends back when we were teenagers.
While I try to make choices that yield results that impact me and me alone, I think a lot about how others feel about my diabetes. What I want those around me to know is that I’m sorry when they have to get involved. But also, I’m so grateful.
52 comments
Comments feed for this article
July 22, 2014 at 1:08 pm
Tony
#dblogcheck
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July 22, 2014 at 11:00 pm
RenzaS
Thanks for reading, Tony.
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July 22, 2014 at 3:20 pm
David
Check in!
Looking at my dex right now, I think I made a wrong decision about how to treat a high. This sort of thing (so far) hasn’t had big consequences for me or others (e.g. involving paramedics), but it frequently has annoying little ones, like making my girlfriend stay up later than she wanted to, or delay a meal…
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July 22, 2014 at 11:01 pm
RenzaS
Thanks for reading, David. The little annoying ones add up!
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July 22, 2014 at 3:54 pm
Annie
Insightful & thoughtful as ever Renza. You always give me a window into my little one’s world. Thank you x
#dblogcheck
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July 22, 2014 at 11:02 pm
RenzaS
That’s very kind, Annie. Thank you for reading. Much love to you and your little one!
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July 22, 2014 at 5:39 pm
Bronwyn
hear, here, hear!
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July 22, 2014 at 7:29 pm
JacH
An interesting read. To me, the fact that my friend is diabetic is no different from me having a headache or cranky knee pain, or from other interactions and connections we have as buddies and neighbours … it’s nothing more than a part of the rich fabric of life as we know it. She’s done so much for me that I am grateful for any small thing she ever asks of me. Not that I’ve had to rescue her in the middle of the night, but I’d be pretty upset if she didn’t know that I – and any number of her many dear friends – would be there in a heartbeat at 3am if she needed.
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July 22, 2014 at 11:03 pm
RenzaS
Your friend is lucky to have you, JacH. I know that my friends feel the same way, but I still hate to be an….inconvenience. Thanks for reading and for your comment.
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July 22, 2014 at 7:38 pm
Trip Stoner
Yes, I too often think how my D has impacted family and friends life. But then I link it to the numberous times of taking care of both my children, who are now grown, asthma. When they were younger and both were having flares, it took an hour to do their medicines though one nebulizer every three to four hour throughout 24 hours. I do not even think about the impact on our lives now. It was just what I needed to do to keep my love one safe and well. I love them no more or less than if they had or not had asthma…I love them no matter what…diabetes, asthma, or even cancer. Because that is what families and friends do…love you no matter what. It is called unconditional love, and it is a beautiful thing.
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July 22, 2014 at 11:04 pm
RenzaS
What a thoughtful and reassuring comment to read. Thank you so much!
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July 22, 2014 at 7:54 pm
flipco1@hotmail.com
Check! It’s interesting how we never like to inconvenience others (altho I am sure they are OK with this) and often just try & deal with things alone. I went low in the supermarket & wondered around with hypo brain (!) looking for the sweets I needed – walking past numerous things that would have worked. Then nearly on my knees I queued & paid before eating! After I couldn’t understand why i hadn’t just asked for help? Ho hum…….
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July 22, 2014 at 11:05 pm
RenzaS
Oh – I’ve done that too! Damn hypo-brain! Thanks for reading.
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July 22, 2014 at 11:51 pm
andrealimbourg
I’ve also had a few moments that make me realise the toll this disease can take on my loved ones. Sometimes we forget. Thanks for reminding us!
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July 23, 2014 at 1:08 am
RenzaS
Thanks for your comment, Andrea. It takes a village. It really does.
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July 23, 2014 at 12:12 am
pavedsilverroads
Such a tough balancing act, I wish it were easier. But I think what does make it easier is knowing that you’re not alone in this somewhat unstable boat.
The good news is, that boat hasn’t sprung a leak. 🙂
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July 23, 2014 at 1:09 am
RenzaS
Thank you for reading. I love your comment. Today is a great day to remember we’re not alone.
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July 23, 2014 at 12:51 am
Kerri.
I’m always at the ready with jelly beans, etc. even though it may take me some time to get them to you. 🙂 Great post, Renz.
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July 23, 2014 at 1:11 am
RenzaS
Thank you, lovely! If it’s all the same, I’ll make sure I have some jelly beans closer at hand until we next catch up. Then you can be JB monitor.
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July 23, 2014 at 3:05 am
kelly2k
XOXO & CHECK!
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July 23, 2014 at 12:45 pm
RenzaS
Right back at you, my dear! Thanks for reading.
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July 23, 2014 at 3:21 am
Karen
This really speaks to me because I often feel guilty when I need help too. But remember, needing help does not mean it’s your fault. And although they may not have signed on to help you, you also never signed on to have a chronic illness!!
#dblogcheck
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July 23, 2014 at 12:46 pm
RenzaS
Thanks Karen. I certainly don’t remember signing the consent form. I’m really not good at asking for help. I think the word might me stubborn. Thanks for reading!
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July 23, 2014 at 3:34 am
fifteenwaitfifteen
I feel guilty when, my Dexcom is blaring a low in the middle of the night for who knows how long, and my wonderful hubby gets up to bring me a glass of milk. He’s a trooper, and I feel bad that MY disease interrupts both of our nights of sleep so often. But he never complains, and for that, I appreciate him all the more.
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July 23, 2014 at 12:47 pm
RenzaS
Oh – I know that! I can’t even being to list the number of times I’ve been woken with a gentle ‘Your pump is beeping’. I sleep though everything, which seems so unfair! Thank you for your comment.
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July 23, 2014 at 4:07 am
Kelley
Aww, you said that you feel guilty when you need their help but I’m sure they are happy to do anything to help! I know my hubby often feels helpless when it comes to helping me with my diabetes so when I actually do need him, I think he is happy to be helping!
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July 23, 2014 at 12:47 pm
RenzaS
Thank you so much for commenting.
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July 23, 2014 at 4:50 am
Mike Hoskins (@MHoskins2179)
What a post. Thanks for this Renza. Brings a story to mind that I don’t think I’ve ever shared, and so I think I will wrote my own blog on it. I couldn’t say it any better tjan you + totally appreciate and grateful, if even regretful it happened. #dblogcheck
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July 23, 2014 at 12:49 pm
RenzaS
Thanks Mike. Please do write that post!
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July 23, 2014 at 6:33 am
Heather Gabel
There is such a fine line between feeling guilty and grateful. Thank you for illustrating some of the complexity involved. You’re awesome. ❤
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July 23, 2014 at 12:51 pm
RenzaS
Thanks, Heather, that’s really sweet of you. It IS a fine line….I’m not always sure we can control which side we’re walking on….
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July 23, 2014 at 8:19 am
Scott E
I feel I’m the same way … I often put the concerns and comfort of others ahead of myself, even when *I* need to be the priority at a given time.
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July 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm
RenzaS
I think that when we live with a chronic condition, we do put others first. We just can’t put ourselves first all the time….
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July 23, 2014 at 9:29 am
Michelle
Check!
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July 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm
RenzaS
Thank you!
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July 23, 2014 at 10:15 am
lesleykimball
This kind of balance is so hard – well described & thank you for writing this.
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July 23, 2014 at 12:52 pm
RenzaS
And thank you for reading!
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July 23, 2014 at 11:01 am
Michael C. Mack
YUes! Our life with diabetes is not simply a physical thing. it also has social (as you discuss here), mental, emotional, and spiritual components. Thanks for sharing this!
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July 23, 2014 at 12:53 pm
RenzaS
Thanks for reading. The emotional and wellbeing side of diabetes are so considerable, in my opinion.
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July 23, 2014 at 11:49 am
Laddie
We have enough guilt. “Let it go!” Check!
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July 23, 2014 at 12:53 pm
RenzaS
Oh great – now I have that song going through my head AGAIN!!!! Thanks for reading and commenting.
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July 23, 2014 at 12:44 pm
Stacey D.
I’m more of a lurker – I read a lot of blogs but don’t comment a lot mainly because of time. But here I am today 🙂 #dblogcheck
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July 23, 2014 at 12:54 pm
RenzaS
Thanks Stacey. You can lurk any time you want. (I’m counting down to NYC, by the way. #147days)
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July 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm
Briley
This weighs on my mind A LOT. Especially wondering if the person who I’d be with would know what to do in case of an emergency!
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July 23, 2014 at 3:12 pm
Marita Morley
Check! I also wanted to say how much I enjoy reading your blogs – I’m more of a lurker and don’t often comment – I will be making more of an effort. Your messages nearly ALWAYS resonate with me and make me laugh and on occasion cry. Thank you!
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July 23, 2014 at 3:17 pm
RenzaS
What a lovely, kind and generous comment. Thank you so much for reading and thank you for commenting today. Please keep in touch!
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July 23, 2014 at 3:51 pm
Christopher
Crazy to think that all the pressure we face in our daily diabetes management is multiplied when you factor in our loved ones. #check
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July 23, 2014 at 3:53 pm
RenzaS
Very true! Thanks for reading and checking in. And even more – thanks for the whole #dblogcheck initiative!
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July 23, 2014 at 11:17 pm
blueinsulinpumps
Awesome read! This proves once more, if another proof was needed, how diabetes affects us emotionally. I thankfully never needed assistance with my diabetes, and even the scary lows I insist to treat myself although my husband offers help. Friends help each other, may that be by bringing a warm soup when one has a cold, feeding his cat when he’s out of town, helping with moving out, handing glucose tabs to treat a low or calling the paramedics. But as you said, this doesn’t help with the guilt of being an inconvenience or the frustration of not being able to take care of myself. #dblogcheck
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July 24, 2014 at 1:44 am
RenzaS
Thank you for your comment. Guilt is a nasty thing – and diabetes magnifies it 1000+ times.
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July 25, 2014 at 2:17 pm
Ilana Lucas
Check! Luckily I have never had to go to the hospital over a low, but my fiance has certainly had to wake up and fetch me sugar many times, and sometimes delay plans due to a low. It’s so difficult to balance that feeling of “you’ll never really understand” with seeing it from the other person’s side and appreciating that, not only do they make some sacrifices, but unlike me, they don’t have to. That makes it even more precious. When we pledge “in sickness and in health” in six weeks, I’m going to know that he means it!!
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July 25, 2014 at 2:19 pm
RenzaS
Thanks for your comment. And bestest of luck for your big day six weeks! How exciting – and congratulations.
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