Seven years ago today, my beautiful daughter was born. I have no idea where the last seven years have gone, but I look at her today and she really does seem all grown up! My heart swells with pride as I see the wonderful, caring, gorgeous, smart, feisty girl before me; and breaks a little as my baby grows up. So today, please indulge me as I take a little stroll down memory lane and tell you what I remember.
I remember the moment I found out I was pregnant. I was home alone, and stared at the two lines on the home pregnancy test for ten minutes before I could even move.
I remember waiting for Aaron to get home from his gig to tell him the bad news – that we wouldn’t be going to Paris in the Northern Hemisphere Spring; but the good news was that a baby would be coming in our Spring. ‘We’ll always have Paris,” we laughed at the same time.
I remember watching her grow each time I had a scan. I remember the first time I saw her flashing heartbeat. And I remember holding my breath to hear that ‘it all looks great!’
I remember finding out she was a girl and bursting into tears of joy. My own baby girl. A daughter.
I remember lying awake the night before she was due to be delivered, unable to sleep, imagining her face. Imagining meeting her.
I remember hearing her for the first time – a bleat of a sound, and Aaron and I gasping, already recognising our baby’s voice.
I remember seeing her for the first time. I remember her head full of hair and her face full of cheeks.I remember reaching out to touch her with the back of my hand, afraid I would break her delicate, almost see-through skin.
I remember as she was placed on my chest and I unwrapped her, desperate to feel her skin against mine; wanting to drink her in.
And I remember the love. The feeling that washed over me the minute I realised she was there. And it has grown and continues to grow each day.
And I remember in the euphoria of finding out I was pregnant, diabetes rearing its ugly head, warning me not to forget it. I remember the anxiety at any elevated blood sugar level, the incessant hypos, the overnight seizure from a terrible low. I remember the hours and hours spent sitting in doctors’ waiting rooms.
I remember the numbers – so many of them, all the time: twenty BGLs a day, HbA1Cs every three weeks, blood pressure, baby measurements. I remember holding my breath as I waited for each result. What was my diabetes doing to her?
I remember Aaron and me laughing at the middle-of-the-night hypos; telling ourselves that we were getting in training for our new arrival.
I remember bringing her home, first stopping by our favourite cafe to introduce her to the waiters.
All children are miracles, but I do believe that babies born to mums with diabetes are extra miraculous. At times, it feels that diabetes will do all it can to rain on parades, but the determination I felt whilst pregnant wouldn’t allow diabetes to win the round.
Happy birthday, darling girl! I love you more than I can say; I loved you the moment I knew you were inside me; the second you were delivered and more and more every day since. I wanted you more than anything. And loved you before I knew you were there.
10 comments
Comments feed for this article
November 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Sandra Leone
Happy birthday! I needed a tissue for this one Renza – love the frollicing in the park photo – my favourite. xx
LikeLike
November 24, 2011 at 4:05 pm
mairi-anne macartney
Great blog, a “mums pride”and the extra smile to know a T1 can have it all!
Love it Renza and happy birthdya POPPY, Im sure you know you have a special mummy. xxx
LikeLike
November 24, 2011 at 7:21 pm
Naomi S
Beautifully put – go you good thing(s) !
7 yr olds already! We had a crazy real-live angry birds party (with slings and little birds and pigs inside block houses).. in the rain! A hoot!
Love how they’re growing longer and more independent every month/year.. and yet they’re still soooo connected and beloved.
Cheers,
Nome
LikeLike
November 25, 2011 at 1:54 pm
Jeann
Absolutely fabulous post, Renza!
Your daughter is very lucky to have you!
LikeLike
November 27, 2011 at 8:50 am
Leanne Foster
Happy birthday! Beautiful post as always Renza…I can’t believe she’s 7!!
LikeLike
December 5, 2011 at 5:47 am
Thirteen years « Diabetogenic
[…] those tough times are because of diabetes) but it’s been a fun ride, too. And we picked up a gorgeous little girl along the way to keep us company and share the love! GA_googleAddAttr("AdOpt", "1"); […]
LikeLike
February 1, 2012 at 2:52 pm
Body imagining « Diabetogenic
[…] am also conscious of the fact that there is a seven year old girl in my house and I am already hearing stories of her friends commenting on their bodies. Positive role modelling […]
LikeLike
February 27, 2012 at 4:25 pm
The circle of diabetes « Diabetogenic
[…] each day and responding to each and every number I saw. And seriously nasty hypo unawareness. Sure, I delivered a gorgeous healthy little girl, but for the whole pregnancy the number 11 not only meant ‘toe falling off’ but also […]
LikeLike
May 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm
Diabetogenic
[…] When I found out I was pregnant again, the fear that something would go wrong overrode the elation and joy that should accompany a pregnancy, and didn’t leave until I was holding my beautiful, bleating, screwed-up-face-full-of-cheeks baby in my arms. […]
LikeLike
November 24, 2013 at 11:02 am
Renza
Reblogged this on Diabetogenic and commented:
I wrote this piece two years ago today when our little girl turned seven. Today on her ninth birthday, I again think about just how special she is and how much I worked to get her here. I am so proud of the little person she has become and am excited to see what she does next. We are so lucky; she is so loved.
LikeLike